Madame Ellen's Horrorscopes

again the link is here

LEO (July 23-August 22)
This month you can do anything you put your mind to, especially if it involves sitting on the couch and eating an entire can of spray cheese.

VIRGO (August 23-September 22)
The stars align and their message strikes me with the clarity of a thousand voices: "Change your socks!"

LIBRA (September 23-October 21)
"Diego, donde están mis platános?" This Spanish phrase may not seem important now, but soon its relevance will be frighteningly clear.

SCORPIO (October 23-November 21)
This is the month to sweep that special someone off their feet. Slippery floor wax makes it a lot easier.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21)
If you got a nickel for every time you "borrowed" a confectionary equipment truck in order to set up a pudding factory in the Philippines, you would be getting a nickel pretty soon.

CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19)
You love catching crawdads, but I hate it, so no horoscope for you.

AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18)
Wonder why you’re so in love right now? The stars are wondering the same thing.

PISCES (February 19-March 20)
Hard work and perseverance are the only ways to accomplish anything. That and trained ninjas.

ARIES (March 21-April 19)
This month, I love cup cakes. How that will pertain to your future, I can only guess.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
"El diablito" is Spanish for "little devil." But I don’t have to tell you that.

GEMINI (May 21-June 21)
Try to set a good example this week. Remember, people look up to you. Or up at you. Behemoth!

CANCER (June 22-July 22)
Always be careful in matters of love. No one knows when love’s gentle flower will turn out to be an evil poisonous mutant plant from space.

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