20050517

It's just one week (and then its Thirteen)

Yesterday was the point where I had exactly one week before I ship out to boot camp. I really can't wait to go, but now that it's this close, I'm a little scared. I'm going to be committing to this for eight years. Eight years of my life will be spent in service to my country, in defending the constitution, going to the enemy to protect the people I love most. It scares me because I've never undertaken such a responsibility before. I've never made such a big commitment. I'm scared because I'm not sure I truly have what it takes to become a marine. I'm worried that I'll freeze up at the wrong moment, that I'll make a mistake that will cost one of my brothers or my sisters their life.

I know that this is just a temporary feeling, and that I will become a great marine, but the feeling is there all the same. I understand that the thirteen weeks I'll be there are to make me into a marine. I understand that they won't graduate me unless I can perform my duty well. I understand that as long as I don't give up, they won't give up on me.

These feelings are still there. I can't quit, because I've given my word. I never break my word. Having come this far, I know that if I were to turn back now, I could never forgive myself. I know that the people who love me would understand, I know that more than a few of them would be relieved. But I can not now give up. I refuse to give up, and I will become a marine.