So this is long overdue

APPLICATION TO DATE MY SON

Note to would-be femme fatale: I know all your tricks. I am watching you..

Name:__________________ Date (today):_____________________

Social Security Number____________________________________

Your age _________ (provide certified copy of birth certificate and two forms of ID)

My sons age________(Subtract the lowest of the two above numbers from the highest. If the difference is more than 1, do not continue)

Mothers name and profession:__________________________________________
Home number: ___________ Work number:_____________
Best time to call:______

Fathers name and profession:___________________________________________
Home number:___________ Work number:_____________
Best time to call:______

Are your parents still together? (Circle one) YES NO

Do you get along with your parents? (Circle one) YES NO

If you circled no, please attach a two-page typed, double-spaced explanation in your own words explaining the reason

Do you have any children? (Circle one) YES NO
If you circled yes, put the paper down, back away slowly and leave quietly.

What are your future goals? ______________________________________________

How do you plan to meet those goals? (Circle all that apply):
College
Hard work
Part-time job while in college
Volunteer work
Keep my grades up so I can get good scholarships for college
Intentional overdose to get attention
Intentional overdose to end it all
Find a rich husband
Live off the child support from all the babies Im going to have
Welfare
Partying
Working to legalize drugs and prostitution
Just find some guy willing to put a roof over my head so I won't have to work!

Circle the best answer to complete the following sentence:
The boys at school say I am:
A. Easy
B. Cheap
C. Fun
D. Really hard to get
E. A golddigger
F. Trashy
G. REALLY popular
H. a total perv
I. A stalker

Has anyone ever been sent to jail because of you? YES NO

Have you ever been in jail? YES NO

How many times a day do you believe it is acceptable to call a guy? (choose one)
A. None! It's the man's place to call!
B. Umm...maybe once or twice.
C. Oh please! I could never stand to not hear his voice!
D. As many times as it takes until the SOB calls me BACK!!!!

My favorite things to do are (circle all that apply):
A. Hang with my girls
B. Hook up
C. Read my Bible every night
D. Party Party Party!!
E. Watch the little line turn blue on the preg test more money, YAY!!
F. Find new and creative ways to fake out the drug tests they make me take every week.
G. Flirt with my probation officer
H. Flirt with my priest/pastor
I. Flirt with anything in pants
J. Spend extra time in the teachers office after hours how else am I going to pass this year?
K. Shop for that perfect little black lipstick
L. Get pierced and/or inked gotta find some way to hide the track marks!

(if you circled anything other than C you may NOT date my son and you should go NOW before Mama hurts you.Be advised: I will review the application for completeness and accuracy and do the necessary background checks. If I disapprove of your application I will thump my son over the head and take out a restraining order against you.Think you can pass?
Then sign here________________________________________