My recruiter, Gunny O. called today, and wanted to know when I would be coming in to work out. He informed me that I was scheduled to leave on the twenty-first, and then told me that if he had to have Sgt. R. move in to my parents house to make sure that I made weight, then he would do so. Needless to say, I wasn't happy about the way he was talking to me. Apparently, Sgt. R. hadn't informed him about my decision to drop out of the armed forces. Also apparent was the fact that Sgt. R. didn't think I was serious when I mentioned it to him.
Gunny O. then informed me that I was pulling a lot of crap, said that there was know way I could have made this decision in two days. He's right, I hadn't made the decision in two days, I'd been having doubts as to whether or not I should go since the first time I was pushed back. I hadn't informed him of these doubts because I knew that he would not listen to me if I had tried to explain them to him. He told me that I was already enlisted and sworn in, and that I would have to go in front of a Military Discharge Review Board. While I'm not scared at the prospect of this, it is partially because I'm not entirely sure what this means for me. I know that if I sabotage myself by staying over their max weight, then they won't ship me out. I don't want to do it this way, I would prefer they let me go peaceably.
I have one trump card that I can use, but I'm not sure I want to use it except as a last resort. When I was younger, I was diagnosed with depression (not suicidal) and ADD. I had mentioned this to SSgt. V. but he had told me not to mention it at MEPS. I followed his advice, but each time I went down there, and each 96 hours before I went down there, I had to again state that my past psychological history was fine. I never felt right about saying nothing, but didn't because I was told not to, thinking that I had grown out of such things, and also knowing that they wouldn't be able to access those files. However, as an honest person, this has been eating at me. When I informed Sgt. R. again about it yesterday, the conversation went basically like this:
Me: I had told SSgt. V. about my psychological past, but he told me to keep quiet about it, and so I did. But this never really sat well with me. The Marine's motto is Honor, Courage and Commitment, and by telling me to do this, I don't understand how this reflects these three qualities.
Sgt. R.: The fact that you went along with it shows a lack of those qualities as well. You already told them that you hadn't had these issues, if you go tell them it's otherwise now, now that you are sworn in and have signed the contract, then you'll get in to trouble for it.
I basically let it go, but my thoughts on this later were that yes, I had shown a lack of Honor, Courage, and Commitment. Yes, I am guilty of violating three things that I hold extremely high in myself and in others. But if I don't do the right thing now, now that I acknowledge my sin in this, then that makes me worse for it, and I can't truly call myself a man if I continue to let it slide.
The way Sgt. R. handled what I had informed him about was basically the final thing that convinced me not to join the service. That none of the recruiters in that office actually listen doesn't help the case either.
20050615
People To Do, Things To See
I have come up with a list of things that I need to accomplish. These aren't big, life changing things, just some things that I want to have done.
1. The first thing I need to do is create a new email address. It will be a gmail account, but I like to have names that are fitting, and marine4life is no longer a fitting email name. Anyone with ideas feel free to post them in the comments.
2. Find a car. This has been covered in a previous post, so will not be addressed further.
3. I would like start writing the next part of my story, and thus destroy the rather large writer's block that has formed. I know the direction the story is supposed to go in, but am unsure how to get it there. I need to sit back down with my notes and just start writing. I want it to have the feel of an RPG, so I want to throw in random battles, and have references to things like the couch of infinite comfort +5, but am not entirely sure how I'm going to incorporate such things into my story just yet.
4. Buy the next Harry Potter book. It comes out June 26, so I plan on getting it the day of.
5. Stay in shape. Being in the Delayed Entry Program, I have gotten into much better shape and health. I plan on maintaining and increasing in this. I feel a lot better now than I did a few months ago.
6. Find a different Job. I'm tired of working for Meijer, and will be headed back there as soon as I get my next vehicle. I need to stay motivated to find another job, preferably one that pays better.
7. Although I'm quite fine with being single, I would like to actually meet someone in the Grand Rapids area with whom I can start a relationship. I'm not shipping out anymore, so the issue of being around for a week and then leaving for three months isn't a problem. I've already been on a couple dates, but haven't wanted to get too involved with them because of I was supposed to be leaving soon. Now that isn't a problem, but they have either moved out of the area, or have started dating someone romantically.
8. I need new clothes. The clothes I have are all too large. Most of them are too large by atleast one size, and all my pants (except for 4 or 5 of them) are two-three sizes too large for me. I have a good sized belt, but pants that are too large aren't comfortable when used with a belt that is just the right size. It tends to cause the waistline to become incredibly uncomfortable.
While I'd like to accomplish these things, I'm not too worried about getting them done. I know the world won't end if I fail to complete just one of these tasks. If my failing to accomplish one of these tasks does end up in the world's demise, then the Universe is indeed a strange place, and it deserves its fate. I'm not God, nor do I want to be. Well, actually I do but don't tell him that. ;)
*waits patiently for lightning to strike*
1. The first thing I need to do is create a new email address. It will be a gmail account, but I like to have names that are fitting, and marine4life is no longer a fitting email name. Anyone with ideas feel free to post them in the comments.
2. Find a car. This has been covered in a previous post, so will not be addressed further.
3. I would like start writing the next part of my story, and thus destroy the rather large writer's block that has formed. I know the direction the story is supposed to go in, but am unsure how to get it there. I need to sit back down with my notes and just start writing. I want it to have the feel of an RPG, so I want to throw in random battles, and have references to things like the couch of infinite comfort +5, but am not entirely sure how I'm going to incorporate such things into my story just yet.
4. Buy the next Harry Potter book. It comes out June 26, so I plan on getting it the day of.
5. Stay in shape. Being in the Delayed Entry Program, I have gotten into much better shape and health. I plan on maintaining and increasing in this. I feel a lot better now than I did a few months ago.
6. Find a different Job. I'm tired of working for Meijer, and will be headed back there as soon as I get my next vehicle. I need to stay motivated to find another job, preferably one that pays better.
7. Although I'm quite fine with being single, I would like to actually meet someone in the Grand Rapids area with whom I can start a relationship. I'm not shipping out anymore, so the issue of being around for a week and then leaving for three months isn't a problem. I've already been on a couple dates, but haven't wanted to get too involved with them because of I was supposed to be leaving soon. Now that isn't a problem, but they have either moved out of the area, or have started dating someone romantically.
8. I need new clothes. The clothes I have are all too large. Most of them are too large by atleast one size, and all my pants (except for 4 or 5 of them) are two-three sizes too large for me. I have a good sized belt, but pants that are too large aren't comfortable when used with a belt that is just the right size. It tends to cause the waistline to become incredibly uncomfortable.
While I'd like to accomplish these things, I'm not too worried about getting them done. I know the world won't end if I fail to complete just one of these tasks. If my failing to accomplish one of these tasks does end up in the world's demise, then the Universe is indeed a strange place, and it deserves its fate. I'm not God, nor do I want to be. Well, actually I do but don't tell him that. ;)
*waits patiently for lightning to strike*
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