It was about nine o’ clock on an autumn night when Michael and Michele finished watching The Order. It was about time for Michael to leave, to go back home, but neither really wanted to say goodbye just yet. Michael loved the country, and he loved to spend time with his friend Michele. They had a good friendship, despite the fact that society dictates that a guy and a girl can’t be just good friends. For Michael, he hadn’t let his mind wander down that particular path. To him it wasn’t much of an issue, it isn’t right for a guy to date one of his friend’s ex-girlfriends, and even if he had been interested, in his heart, he knew that it was too soon after the ending of their relationship to give it any real consideration. No, Michael was happy to just be Michele’s friend, even if her other friends didn’t really see it that way, because Michael didn’t have too many friends. He had only just recently come to the realization that life’s difficulties are much easier to get through with the support of friends.
The night was relatively young yet, at least it was for Michael, because he was usually up until three or four in the morning reading or playing video games. Michele usually tried to go to bed before midnight, but Michael couldn’t visit very often due to the large distance between where they both lived, and so she was willing to go without a few hours rest if it meant that they could hang out and have fun. So they decided that they would go for a walk, even though the sun had gone down a few hours previously, and it was a dark night.
“I’ll grab the flashlights, you go ahead and get your shoes on,” Michele said. “The roads out here aren’t well lit, so its pretty dark outside.”
“We don’t really need any flashlights,” Michael replied. “Besides, I prefer to use night vision to see in the dark anyway.”
Michele figured they’d be alright without the flashlights, and Michael decided to bring his cell phone just in case they did get into some kind of trouble. They put on their shoes and walked out of the apartment complex. Michael took a deep breath, enjoying the country air, something he could appreciate due to living in the city. He then poked Michele affectionately in the side and pulled the hair band our of her hair, causing it to fall out of the pony tail she had pulled it back into. He then trapped the hair band in his hand by closing his hand around it. Michele immediately tried to get the hair band back, grabbing a hold of his hand.
“Aw, how sweet of you, wanting to hold my hand,” Michael teased. Michele immediately let go, insisting that she only wanted to get her hair band back.
“oh, you know it its really because you can’t resist my charming and sexy self,” he teased again.
“Yeah, I just can’t seem to keep my hands off of you,” Michele replied sarcastically. It was part of a game they played often. They would flirt with each other, both understanding that it was all in good fun, though they had played it down a bit around her roommates and friends, because they were getting the wrong ideas about his intentions.
They crossed the street, and headed down another road that seemed darker than the others, but it was the back way onto a local play ground. Unlike in the city, trees in this area were plentiful, and they made the road they were on even darker.
After progressing a little ways, Michael noticed that night vision wasn’t very effective if there wasn’t enough light for him to see by. So he opened his cell phone with the idea of using it like a flashlight.
“Hmm,” Michael said. “Now I understand what it meant.”
“Understand what what meant?” Michele asked.
“Well, in a book I was reading, one of the character’s has a magic staff with a crystal ball that lights up on it, which they use when in dark caves or at night, but the author always described it as making seem darker, rather than lighting the area effectively,” Michael answered. “I never quite understood how that could be the case until just now, as I’m trying to use my cell phone to light the way.”
“Maybe its because the light isn’t strong enough to light this area, but its enough to make your eyes focus on it, thus making the darkness more apparent to you,” Michele suggested.
“You could be on to something there,” Michael replied. They continued to walk down the road, talking about anything that came to mind, when Michael suddenly stopped.
“What is it?” Michele asked.
“I thought I heard something,” Michael answered.
They both stood quietly, listening. Michael held the cell phone up again, having already forgotten that it made the darkness seem worse, rather than helping. As he gazed around, he though he saw something move. Feeling somewhat freaked out, they both took off running back the way they had come, only stopping when they got to a well lit area.
“I don’t think there was anything there, but I could have sworn I saw movement,” Michael informed Michele.
“I didn’t get too freaked out until you said you thought you heard something,” Michele told him.
Having decided it was nothing, they decided to head back down the road again, as they walked, Michael told her about a similar event that happened in his childhood.
“When I was about five or six,” Michael started, “My mom had sent me to the local Boy’s Club of America, as being a single mom, she couldn’t come get me right after school. Well, during one summer, they Boy’s Club and the Girl’s Club had a sort of summer camp where they would go to a camp ground during the day, and then head back home a little later. It was here that I met my childhood girlfriend, indeed, she was the first girl other than my mom that I kissed, and I kissed her on the lips. Well, one of the traditions was for the older boys to take the younger kids to a really wooded area, and make up a story about a hermit that lived at the top of a hill, who would kill people. The goal was to get as close as you could to his house before he noticed you, and then run back down the hill and draw a circle in the dirt, and get inside the circle. If you drew a circle in the dirt and were inside of it, you’d be safe.”
“Well, one time I went, my girlfriend Amanda came with me, and she stayed at the bottom of the hill while I went up to the top. After a certain amount of time, some said that the guy had seen them, and so we all ran back down the hill to draw our circles. Amanda had drawn a heart, and told me to come stand with her inside of it, which I of course did. I still sort of miss her.”
“That’s kind of sweet,” Michele replied.
It was about this time, that they came to a corn field, having passed the back entrance to the playground. They had stopped speaking for the moment, and they both heard a slight rustling near where they were standing in the corn. Michele jumped, which in turn cause Michael to jump as well.
“I don’t think we should hang out here any longer,” Michele said.
“Hmm, part of me thinks it’s just nothing but a little animal,” Michael told her. “However, as I recall, in scary movies, the jock usually ends up getting killed because he thinks that the evil scary homicidal thing that made the noise that the girl heard was only the cat that came running into view from where the noise came. So I’m kind of torn as to what to do.”
They both heard the noise again, this time a little stronger, and this time, Michele immediately grabbed onto Michael’s hand. They both took off running, this time Michael stayed back a pace from Michele as they raced the full way back to the area where they first crossed. They then proceeded back to Michael’s car. It was a silver 1990 Ford Probe GT, turbo charged. He like it okay, mostly because of the turbo charger, but what he really wanted was a truck. He and Michele hugged, knowing it was close to time for him to leave, both still wishing to delay the actual moment of departure. Michael leaned back and sat against the edge of his car, holding her hands in his, this time she didn’t pull her hands away
“You know, I couldn’t help but notice how you grabbed my hand when you got spooked,” Michael half teased.
“Yeah, I’m not sure why I did that either,” Michele told him. “I guess I feel safe when your around, that if it came down to it, you’d do your best to keep me safe.”
Michael was touched, no one had said anything like that to him before. They talked for another hour or two, and by the time Michael hugged Michele for the last time, and then got into the car and left, it was close to two in the morning.
20050803
20050731
How Much of a Geek are you?
| The Deviant Geek You answered 83% of the questions as a geek truly would. |
| You're a geek and you know it. You've got all sorts of fringe hobbies and socially unacceptable tendencies. Chances are, whenever possible, you hate to be grouped with other people and sometimes go out of your way just to be different. You're smart too. You're more willing to depend on your own brainpower to solve problems, instead of relying on others to pull you through life. You probably read a lot, and generally enjoy learning new things. So what's it all mean? You may be considered by some to be uncool, but you probably don't care either. In social situations you may be either slightly passive or slightly loud (geeks always fall into the extremes). In a nutshell, you answered enough questions correctly supporting a geek philosophy to be considered a more potent geek than 60% of the population. |
 |
My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
|
| Link: The True Geek Test written by ambientred on Ok Cupid |
20050730
They Made One For Guys Too
In response to Sissy's He-mote, I went and found this: The She-mote.
Later editions will include settings for type of sexual encounter, changing the hair color, as well as picture in picture, for when you just can't miss the game . . .
Later editions will include settings for type of sexual encounter, changing the hair color, as well as picture in picture, for when you just can't miss the game . . .
20050728
Well since we're taking tests here
I am 70% Promiscuous.
I like sex and have a healthy sex life. I get just enough and know how to use my sexuality. Some people might have a problem, but that is their problem not mine. They just need to get more.I am 26% Hippie.
I need to step away from the tie-dye. I smell too good to be a hippie and my dad is probably a cop. Being a hippie is not a fashion craze, man. It was a way of life, in the 60’s, man.20050727
My blogfather's more of a hippie than me
So Harvey did this a while back, and true to form, I've been setting the bad example by not checking out blogs like I'm supposed to, I've been busy and lazy all at the same time. I've begun playing raquetball, which is more fun than I thought it'd be.
I am 9% Hippie.
What? Am I a Republican? Why did I even bother taken this test?! I guess I’ll back to my George W. Bush fan club and tell them I just wasted 10 minutes of my life. At least I don’t stink, man.Lt. gov. crashed Marine's funeral, kin say
Taken from: post-gazette
Saturday, July 23, 2005
By Tom Barnes, Post-Gazette Harrisburg Bureau
The family of a Marine who was killed in Iraq is furious with Lt. Gov. Catherine Baker Knoll for showing up uninvited at his funeral this week, handing out her business card and then saying "our government" is against the war.
Excuse me? Where does she get off saying that load of crap? I'm pretty sure it was our government that sent our troops to war in the first place.
Catherine Baker Knoll
Rhonda Goodrich of Indiana, Pa., said yesterday that a funeral was held Tuesday at a church in Carnegie for her brother-in-law, Staff Sgt. Joseph Goodrich, 32.
She said he "died bravely and courageously in Iraq on July 10, serving his country."
In a phone interview, Goodrich said the funeral service was packed with people "who wanted to tell his family how Joe had impacted their lives."
Then, suddenly, "one uninvited guest made an appearance, Catherine Baker Knoll."
She sat down next to a Goodrich family member and, during the distribution of communion, said, "Who are you?" Then she handed the family member one of her business cards, which Goodrich said she still has.
Okay, not only does she show up uninvited, but then she starts campaigning? I've had some idiots come through my checkout line, but this lady makes them seem intelligent by comparison.
"Knoll felt this was an appropriate time to campaign and impose her will on us," Goodrich said. "I am amazed and disgusted Knoll finds a Marine funeral a prime place to campaign."
Goodrich said she is positive that Knoll was not invited to the funeral, which was jammed with Marines in dress uniform and police officers, because the fallen Marine had been a policeman in McKeesport and Indiana County.
"Our family deserves an apology," Rhonda Goodrich said. "Here you have a soldier who was killed -- dying for his country -- in a church full of grieving family members and she shows up uninvited. It made a mockery of Joey's death."
What really upset the family, Goodrich said, is that Knoll said, 'I want you to know our government is against this war,' " Goodrich said.
She said she is going to seek an answer from Gov. Ed Rendell's administration if it opposes the fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Knoll was traveling yesterday, away from the Capitol, and couldn't be reached. But an aide said she "extends condolences to all families who have lost loved ones" serving in the military.
"Extends condolences," indeed. By allowing this woman to do what she's doing, that statement means about as much as washing a friends car for them during a monsoon.
Without having talked to her, the aide, who asked not to be named, said, "The family members of fallen soldiers are in our hearts and prayers. Our prayers go out to their loved ones in their hour of grief."
Asked to comment on Goodrich's complaints about Knoll's conduct at the funeral, the aide said that "would be inappropriate."
That would be "inappropriate?" What about going to a funeral full of men and women, and families of those men and women, who have served our country, fought for our freedom, and then telling them that their government didn't support the war? That's a very demoralizing statement, it implies that the government doesn't support our troops.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Harrisburg Bureau Chief Tom Barnes can be reached at tbarnes@post-gazette.com or 717-787-4254.)
Saturday, July 23, 2005
By Tom Barnes, Post-Gazette Harrisburg Bureau
The family of a Marine who was killed in Iraq is furious with Lt. Gov. Catherine Baker Knoll for showing up uninvited at his funeral this week, handing out her business card and then saying "our government" is against the war.
Excuse me? Where does she get off saying that load of crap? I'm pretty sure it was our government that sent our troops to war in the first place.
Catherine Baker Knoll
Rhonda Goodrich of Indiana, Pa., said yesterday that a funeral was held Tuesday at a church in Carnegie for her brother-in-law, Staff Sgt. Joseph Goodrich, 32.
She said he "died bravely and courageously in Iraq on July 10, serving his country."
In a phone interview, Goodrich said the funeral service was packed with people "who wanted to tell his family how Joe had impacted their lives."
Then, suddenly, "one uninvited guest made an appearance, Catherine Baker Knoll."
She sat down next to a Goodrich family member and, during the distribution of communion, said, "Who are you?" Then she handed the family member one of her business cards, which Goodrich said she still has.
Okay, not only does she show up uninvited, but then she starts campaigning? I've had some idiots come through my checkout line, but this lady makes them seem intelligent by comparison.
"Knoll felt this was an appropriate time to campaign and impose her will on us," Goodrich said. "I am amazed and disgusted Knoll finds a Marine funeral a prime place to campaign."
Goodrich said she is positive that Knoll was not invited to the funeral, which was jammed with Marines in dress uniform and police officers, because the fallen Marine had been a policeman in McKeesport and Indiana County.
"Our family deserves an apology," Rhonda Goodrich said. "Here you have a soldier who was killed -- dying for his country -- in a church full of grieving family members and she shows up uninvited. It made a mockery of Joey's death."
What really upset the family, Goodrich said, is that Knoll said, 'I want you to know our government is against this war,' " Goodrich said.
She said she is going to seek an answer from Gov. Ed Rendell's administration if it opposes the fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Knoll was traveling yesterday, away from the Capitol, and couldn't be reached. But an aide said she "extends condolences to all families who have lost loved ones" serving in the military.
"Extends condolences," indeed. By allowing this woman to do what she's doing, that statement means about as much as washing a friends car for them during a monsoon.
Without having talked to her, the aide, who asked not to be named, said, "The family members of fallen soldiers are in our hearts and prayers. Our prayers go out to their loved ones in their hour of grief."
Asked to comment on Goodrich's complaints about Knoll's conduct at the funeral, the aide said that "would be inappropriate."
That would be "inappropriate?" What about going to a funeral full of men and women, and families of those men and women, who have served our country, fought for our freedom, and then telling them that their government didn't support the war? That's a very demoralizing statement, it implies that the government doesn't support our troops.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Harrisburg Bureau Chief Tom Barnes can be reached at tbarnes@post-gazette.com or 717-787-4254.)
20050723
I Can't Help Being Irresistable . . .
Despite everything I try, people can't help but fall in love with me. I'm not sure if its my stunning good looks, my sexy voice, or my personality (Just ask R.R.) but its getting really tiring . . .
20050722
Making the work day go by just a little faster
okay, so your at work, browsing through blogs that haven't updated in the five minutes since your last viewing. There is a solution for this.
Try out the Evil Cube, your work day will pass just a little faster with it.
Try out the Evil Cube, your work day will pass just a little faster with it.
The Buffalo Theory
I've seen this a few times thoughout my net exploration, and decided that it was time to share it with others.
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is being hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of alcohol eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few shots and a couple of beers.
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is being hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of alcohol eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few shots and a couple of beers.
Dating 101- pt. 2
A lot of guys seem to think that attraction is when one person wants what another person has. Some think of attraction as the result of being good-looking or otherwise "attractive". In fact a lotof people confuse attraction with "attractive". When I think of the concept of attraction, I think
of it primarily as an emotion. It seems to me that it's more a combination of powerful emotions that come together to form a very, very special new SUPER-emotion.
It's homework time.
1) Write down all of the things that should work
when it comes to making women feel attracted to
you. This might include buying gifts and food,
giving constant compliments, and acting "nice".
2) Write down your own personal experience of what
actually happens when you do these "socially
correct things that mom taught you" with women.
3) Pretend for a moment that everything you've
been taught about women is wrong. Further, pretend
that women are actually wired in reverse. If this
were true, what kinds of things would result in a
woman feeling attraction for a man?
of it primarily as an emotion. It seems to me that it's more a combination of powerful emotions that come together to form a very, very special new SUPER-emotion.
It's homework time.
1) Write down all of the things that should work
when it comes to making women feel attracted to
you. This might include buying gifts and food,
giving constant compliments, and acting "nice".
2) Write down your own personal experience of what
actually happens when you do these "socially
correct things that mom taught you" with women.
3) Pretend for a moment that everything you've
been taught about women is wrong. Further, pretend
that women are actually wired in reverse. If this
were true, what kinds of things would result in a
woman feeling attraction for a man?
20050720
Marine Corps Shortens Slogan To 'The Few'
Just for the record, it's all his fault:
Lord Salens
WASHINGTON, DC—In light of recruiting shortfalls, a near standstill in re-enlistment, and rock-bottom troop morale, U.S. Marine Corps Commandant Gen. Michael Hagee announced Monday that the Marines will alter their unofficial slogan, abbreviating it to the more accurate "The Few." Hagee said, "We are still the Marines, the premier combat arm of the U.S. military." The Marines will also change their motto to Semper Fidelis, Sic Non Sapienti, or "Always Faithful, But This Is Just Ridiculous."From the Onion,
Lord Salens
The Many Faces of Me
starts with the oldest, and procedes to my current style, that with a fu manchu.
20050719
Michigan Laws
Unless it states that it was repealed, these laws are still in effect in Michigan.
A woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.
There is a 3 cent bounty for each starling and 10 cent bounty for each crow killed in any village, township, or city in the state.
It is legal for a robber to file a law suit, if he or she got hurt in your house.
You may not swear in front of women and children. (Repealed)
Any person over the age of 12 may have a license for a handgun as long as he/she has not been convicted of a felony.
It is illegal to kill a dog using a decompression chamber.
Adultery is illegal, but can only be punished upon a complaint by the affected husband or wife. Furthermore, no prosecution may take place if the offense was committed over a year from when a complaint was made.
No man may seduce and corrupt an unmarried girl, or else he risks five years in prison.
Cars may not be sold on Sunday.
Detroit Laws
Couples are banned from making love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple's own property.
Willfully destroying your old radio is prohibited.
It is illegal for a man to scowl at his wife on Sunday.
It is illegal to let your pig run free in Detroit unless it has a ring in its nose. According to history and animal husbandry, it prevents them from "rooting" in the ground for their food.
Security guards at Joe Louis Arena will confiscate any item they feel might be thrown onto the ice. Furthermore, any person seen throwing an octopus onto the ice at a Red Wings game will be taken to jail.
Putt-putt golf courses must close by 1:00 AM.
Get the full text of this law.
Apparently the good folks in Detroit did not quite know what ‘new’ meant. The city took it upon themselves to state that ‘new’ bedding must be of all new material.
Grand Haven Laws
No person shall throw an abandoned hoop skirt into any street or on any sidewalk, under penalty of a five- dollar fine for each offense.
Harper Woods Laws
It is illegal to paint sparrows to sell them as parakeets.
Kalamazoo Laws
It is against the law to serenade your girlfriend.
Rochester Laws
All bathing suits must have been inspected by the head of police.
Soo Laws
Smoking while in bed is illegal.
Wayland Laws
Anyone can keep their cow on Main Street downtown at a cost of 3 cents per day.
A woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.
There is a 3 cent bounty for each starling and 10 cent bounty for each crow killed in any village, township, or city in the state.
It is legal for a robber to file a law suit, if he or she got hurt in your house.
You may not swear in front of women and children. (Repealed)
Any person over the age of 12 may have a license for a handgun as long as he/she has not been convicted of a felony.
It is illegal to kill a dog using a decompression chamber.
Adultery is illegal, but can only be punished upon a complaint by the affected husband or wife. Furthermore, no prosecution may take place if the offense was committed over a year from when a complaint was made.
No man may seduce and corrupt an unmarried girl, or else he risks five years in prison.
Cars may not be sold on Sunday.
Detroit Laws
Couples are banned from making love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple's own property.
Willfully destroying your old radio is prohibited.
It is illegal for a man to scowl at his wife on Sunday.
It is illegal to let your pig run free in Detroit unless it has a ring in its nose. According to history and animal husbandry, it prevents them from "rooting" in the ground for their food.
Security guards at Joe Louis Arena will confiscate any item they feel might be thrown onto the ice. Furthermore, any person seen throwing an octopus onto the ice at a Red Wings game will be taken to jail.
Putt-putt golf courses must close by 1:00 AM.
Get the full text of this law.
Apparently the good folks in Detroit did not quite know what ‘new’ meant. The city took it upon themselves to state that ‘new’ bedding must be of all new material.
Grand Haven Laws
No person shall throw an abandoned hoop skirt into any street or on any sidewalk, under penalty of a five- dollar fine for each offense.
Harper Woods Laws
It is illegal to paint sparrows to sell them as parakeets.
Kalamazoo Laws
It is against the law to serenade your girlfriend.
Rochester Laws
All bathing suits must have been inspected by the head of police.
Soo Laws
Smoking while in bed is illegal.
Wayland Laws
Anyone can keep their cow on Main Street downtown at a cost of 3 cents per day.
Stupid Criminal of the day
John Schieman, 37, thought the best time to steal a car would be when its owner was getting out. As his would-be-victim, Robin Van Bortle, 32, was attaching The Club, to her steering wheel, Schieman made his move. Startled, the astute woman reacting by beating Schieman over the head with the antitheft device. The budding criminal was charged with robbery, assault, and grand larceny.
Harry Potter 6
I finished reading Harry Potter 6. Its a good book, I really enjoyed it. My favorite charactor dies in this one, and Harry finally finds love. Ron finally snogs a girl, and Hermionee is as brainy as ever, though is shown up by another classmate in one of her classes. We find out how it is that Voldemort has been able to survive, and are once again reminded what the most powerful magic is. We learn what it feels like to aparate, and find out more about Snape. Once again, they need a new Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher. And it was unexpected as to who the Half-Blood Prince is.
If you haven't started this series yet, you really should do so. It is one of the finer book series that I've read.
If you haven't started this series yet, you really should do so. It is one of the finer book series that I've read.
20050715
Interesting Note
Today was the release date for Harry Potter 6. I'm anxiously awaiting my copy to come in the mail, it should arrive today or tomorrow. I do find it interesting to note that this book was in the best seller's list months before it actually came out. Part of me will laugh if this latest book turns out to be completely horrible. The other parts will cry tears of great sadness if that's the case.
In other news
I don't know if I have a high tolerance now, but last night after having a two shots of whiskey, a shot of rum, and a jack and coke, I barely had a buzz for ten minutes. There's no way I had enough to drink so that I was pushed back into sober again, so I'm not sure what the deal was. Anyone have a clue as to what my problem is? Maybe I shouldn't drink for a while.
In other news
I don't know if I have a high tolerance now, but last night after having a two shots of whiskey, a shot of rum, and a jack and coke, I barely had a buzz for ten minutes. There's no way I had enough to drink so that I was pushed back into sober again, so I'm not sure what the deal was. Anyone have a clue as to what my problem is? Maybe I shouldn't drink for a while.
20050713
Today's Stupid Criminal
While most young people his age are pursuing higher education or making other plans to advance their careers, a 22 year-old Santa Cruz California genius was planning to vandalize a local store. According to his carefully crafted plan, the man would splash some green paint on the front doors of The Gap on Pacific Avenue and then make a clean getaway. It was a pretty good plan, as ignorant schemes go, but for one problem. The man was caught after trailing green paint from Pacific Avenue to his home on Mission Street.
Now our young rocket scientist must pay the city's clean-up costs, estimated to be $1,000, pay a $500 fine, serve 200 hours of community service and stay away from downtown.
Now our young rocket scientist must pay the city's clean-up costs, estimated to be $1,000, pay a $500 fine, serve 200 hours of community service and stay away from downtown.
Application to date your daughter
Sissy has posted an application so that her father might judge who is fit to date her.
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,
and current medical report from your doctor.
Note: I was adopted, so have no idea what my lineage is, only some clues as to what it isn't. From appearances, there is no african-american, middle-eastern, or asian heritage in my lineage.
NAME: Andrew (Aris Ravencroft) DATE OF BIRTH: 830423
HEIGHT: 5‘8” WEIGHT: 200 IQ: 125 GPA: 3.0
SOCIAL SECURITY #: I am not posting that online
DRIVERS LICENSE: see social security
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES: N/A
HOME ADDRESS: See D.L. CITY/STATE: Grand Rapids ZIP: 49525
Do you have parents? Yes
Is one male and the other female? Yes
If No, explain:
______________________________________________________________
Number of years they have been married: 15-16
If less than your age, explain
Mother adopted me while she was single, and married my father when I turned 7, he in turn adopted me when I turned 12.
ACCESSORIES SECTION:
A. Do you own or have access to a van? No
B. A truck with oversized tires? No
C. A waterbed? No
D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? No
E. A tattoo? No
F. Do you have an earring: Used to, still have the hole.
(IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)
ESSAY SECTION:
In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?
I am never late, I hate being late, and I hate when other people are late, in a way, it‘s breaking your word to the person you told you‘d be there at X time.
In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?
It means I‘m not going to touch your daughter in any way that would be dishonorable to her.
In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?
No sex until marriage, which is fine with me.
REFERENCES SECTION:
Church you attend: Currently searching for a new church
How often you attend: more than once a week
When would be the best time to interview your:
father? Evening before ten
mother? Evening before ten
pastor? During the day
SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:
Any vital area
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
Neck
C: A woman's place is in the:
If married, then the home, raising kids, of which I would help as is part of my job as a father
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
Ask me anything, I have nothing to hide.
E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? Law Enforcement
F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
Eyes and/or voice, depending on if I see her first, or hear her first.
F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? No clue.
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
Andrew (Aris Ravencroft)
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)
Andrew‘s Southern Belle Momma -- Andrew’s Former Navy Father
Mother's Signature Father's Signature
Paster Bill -- George Walker Bush
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman
Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and
non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.
You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do
not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would
cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be
notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases.
(you might watch your back)
To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating. (coming soon)
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,
and current medical report from your doctor.
Note: I was adopted, so have no idea what my lineage is, only some clues as to what it isn't. From appearances, there is no african-american, middle-eastern, or asian heritage in my lineage.
NAME: Andrew (Aris Ravencroft) DATE OF BIRTH: 830423
HEIGHT: 5‘8” WEIGHT: 200 IQ: 125 GPA: 3.0
SOCIAL SECURITY #: I am not posting that online
DRIVERS LICENSE: see social security
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES: N/A
HOME ADDRESS: See D.L. CITY/STATE: Grand Rapids ZIP: 49525
Do you have parents? Yes
Is one male and the other female? Yes
If No, explain:
______________________________________________________________
Number of years they have been married: 15-16
If less than your age, explain
Mother adopted me while she was single, and married my father when I turned 7, he in turn adopted me when I turned 12.
ACCESSORIES SECTION:
A. Do you own or have access to a van? No
B. A truck with oversized tires? No
C. A waterbed? No
D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? No
E. A tattoo? No
F. Do you have an earring: Used to, still have the hole.
(IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)
ESSAY SECTION:
In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?
I am never late, I hate being late, and I hate when other people are late, in a way, it‘s breaking your word to the person you told you‘d be there at X time.
In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?
It means I‘m not going to touch your daughter in any way that would be dishonorable to her.
In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?
No sex until marriage, which is fine with me.
REFERENCES SECTION:
Church you attend: Currently searching for a new church
How often you attend: more than once a week
When would be the best time to interview your:
father? Evening before ten
mother? Evening before ten
pastor? During the day
SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:
Any vital area
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
Neck
C: A woman's place is in the:
If married, then the home, raising kids, of which I would help as is part of my job as a father
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
Ask me anything, I have nothing to hide.
E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? Law Enforcement
F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
Eyes and/or voice, depending on if I see her first, or hear her first.
F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? No clue.
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
Andrew (Aris Ravencroft)
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)
Andrew‘s Southern Belle Momma -- Andrew’s Former Navy Father
Mother's Signature Father's Signature
Paster Bill -- George Walker Bush
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman
Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and
non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.
You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do
not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would
cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be
notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases.
(you might watch your back)
To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating. (coming soon)
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