I havn't posted in a good while, but holy crap I must speak out against the travesty below! I must say it has become one of my pet peeves when people embed video that automatically plays on it's own. It's quite common in the wastelands they call 'MySpace' (which, by the way, someone has decided to make a freaking documentary about and I've seen a book based on the retardedness of MySpace. Someone needs to give me lots of money to make stupid books and movies).
Anyways, the other reason I havn't posted is that I am currently jobless but on the hunt. I just passed my LPI Certification today and I'm working towards my A+ and Network+ Certifications. Come to think of, I'm also in college again and probably didn't say anything here. Ah well.
Perhaps I can post some more random nonsense sometime in the near future. Until then.. toodaloo!
20051227
20051222
Throwing Around My Weight
(Pretend Wierd Al's Fat music video is playing here. I know you all have imaginations.)
A lot of people like Amish Paradise, and I have to agree, that it is a great song, however, I feel that Fat is a much better music video.
As it stands, I've slowly started gaining weight, as I haven't kept up with my running. So my goal is that by the summer, I'll be atleast back to 200 lbs-- or atleast able to run 3+ miles at a time again. I'm not sure where my running is at, as I haven't stayed with it. When I was out of shape, I ran a mile and a half in 14:45. Just before I was supposed to ship, I was down to 12:45. I'd like to get that even lower. I plan on participating again this year in the 5th third river bank run, and its never too early to get started with training for that.
A lot of people like Amish Paradise, and I have to agree, that it is a great song, however, I feel that Fat is a much better music video.
As it stands, I've slowly started gaining weight, as I haven't kept up with my running. So my goal is that by the summer, I'll be atleast back to 200 lbs-- or atleast able to run 3+ miles at a time again. I'm not sure where my running is at, as I haven't stayed with it. When I was out of shape, I ran a mile and a half in 14:45. Just before I was supposed to ship, I was down to 12:45. I'd like to get that even lower. I plan on participating again this year in the 5th third river bank run, and its never too early to get started with training for that.
20051219
20051214
More fun quizes
I see myself as a little more of a rogue personality (not always a "nice" guy)
Take the quiz:
What SuPeR HeRo Would You Be?
Superman
You are strong, but a little on the shy side, you are talented. But a word of advice, don't go changing in telephone boths, you can get arrested!
Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!
I've never had any complaints ;)
Take the quiz:
What type of kisser are you?
Good kisser
keep up the good work, never change.
Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!
What SuPeR HeRo Would You Be?
Superman
You are strong, but a little on the shy side, you are talented. But a word of advice, don't go changing in telephone boths, you can get arrested!
Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!
I've never had any complaints ;)
What type of kisser are you?
Good kisser
keep up the good work, never change.
Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!
20051209
A Soldier's Silent Night
I heard this on the radio yesterday on my way to donating plasma. (or as I call it, getting my blood money)
You can listen to it here.
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, HE LIVED ALL ALONE,
IN A ONE BEDROOM HOUSE MADE OF PLASTER AND STONE.
I HAD COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY WITH PRESENTS TO GIVE,
AND TO SEE JUST WHO IN THIS HOME DID LIVE.
I LOOKED ALL ABOUT, A STRANGE SIGHT I DID SEE,
NO TINSEL, NO PRESENTS, NOT EVEN A TREE.
NO STOCKING BY MANTLE, JUST BOOTS FILLED WITH SAND,
ON THE WALL HUNG PICTURES OF FAR DISTANT LANDS.
WITH MEDALS AND BADGES, AWARDS OF ALL KINDS,
A SOBER THOUGHT CAME THROUGH MY MIND.
FOR THIS HOUSE WAS DIFFERENT, IT WAS DARK AND DREARY,
I FOUND THE HOME OF A SOLDIER, ONCE I COULD SEE CLEARLY.
THE SOLDIER LAY SLEEPING, SILENT, ALONE,
CURLED UP ON THE FLOOR IN THIS ONE BEDROOM HOME.
THE FACE WAS SO GENTLE, THE ROOM IN SUCH DISORDER,
NOT HOW I PICTURED A UNITED STATES SOLDIER.
WAS THIS THE HERO OF WHOM I'D JUST READ?
CURLED UP ON A PONCHO, THE FLOOR FOR A BED?
I REALIZED THE FAMILIES THAT I SAW THIS NIGHT,
OWED THEIR LIVES TO THESE SOLDIERS WHO WERE WILLING TO FIGHT.
SOON ROUND THE WORLD, THE CHILDREN WOULD PLAY,
AND GROWNUPS WOULD CELEBRATE A BRIGHT CHRISTMAS DAY.
THEY ALL ENJOYED FREEDOM EACH MONTH OF THE YEAR,
BECAUSE OF THE SOLDIERS, LIKE THE ONE LYING HERE.
I COULDN'T HELP WONDER HOW MANY LAY ALONE,
ON A COLD CHRISTMAS EVE IN A LAND FAR FROM HOME.
THE VERY THOUGHT BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE,
I DROPPED TO MY KNEES AND STARTED TO CRY;
THE SOLDIER AWAKENED AND I HEARD A ROUGH VOICE,
"SANTA DON'T CRY, THIS LIFE IS MY CHOICE;
I FIGHT FOR FREEDOM, I DON'T ASK FOR MORE,
MY LIFE IS MY GOD, MY COUNTRY, MY CORPS."
THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER AND DRIFTED TO SLEEP,
I COULDN'T CONTROL IT, I CONTINUED TO WEEP.
I KEPT WATCH FOR HOURS, SO SILENT AND STILL
AND WE BOTH SHIVERED FROM THE COLD NIGHT'S CHILL.
I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE ON THAT COLD, DARK, NIGHT,
THIS GUARDIAN OF HONOR SO WILLING TO FIGHT.
THEN THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER, WITH A VOICE SOFT AND PURE,
WHISPERED, "CARRY ON SANTA, IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY, ALL IS SECURE."
ONE LOOK AT MY WATCH, AND I KNEW HE WAS RIGHT.
"MERRY CHRISTMAS MY FRIEND, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT."
You can listen to it here.
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, HE LIVED ALL ALONE,
IN A ONE BEDROOM HOUSE MADE OF PLASTER AND STONE.
I HAD COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY WITH PRESENTS TO GIVE,
AND TO SEE JUST WHO IN THIS HOME DID LIVE.
I LOOKED ALL ABOUT, A STRANGE SIGHT I DID SEE,
NO TINSEL, NO PRESENTS, NOT EVEN A TREE.
NO STOCKING BY MANTLE, JUST BOOTS FILLED WITH SAND,
ON THE WALL HUNG PICTURES OF FAR DISTANT LANDS.
WITH MEDALS AND BADGES, AWARDS OF ALL KINDS,
A SOBER THOUGHT CAME THROUGH MY MIND.
FOR THIS HOUSE WAS DIFFERENT, IT WAS DARK AND DREARY,
I FOUND THE HOME OF A SOLDIER, ONCE I COULD SEE CLEARLY.
THE SOLDIER LAY SLEEPING, SILENT, ALONE,
CURLED UP ON THE FLOOR IN THIS ONE BEDROOM HOME.
THE FACE WAS SO GENTLE, THE ROOM IN SUCH DISORDER,
NOT HOW I PICTURED A UNITED STATES SOLDIER.
WAS THIS THE HERO OF WHOM I'D JUST READ?
CURLED UP ON A PONCHO, THE FLOOR FOR A BED?
I REALIZED THE FAMILIES THAT I SAW THIS NIGHT,
OWED THEIR LIVES TO THESE SOLDIERS WHO WERE WILLING TO FIGHT.
SOON ROUND THE WORLD, THE CHILDREN WOULD PLAY,
AND GROWNUPS WOULD CELEBRATE A BRIGHT CHRISTMAS DAY.
THEY ALL ENJOYED FREEDOM EACH MONTH OF THE YEAR,
BECAUSE OF THE SOLDIERS, LIKE THE ONE LYING HERE.
I COULDN'T HELP WONDER HOW MANY LAY ALONE,
ON A COLD CHRISTMAS EVE IN A LAND FAR FROM HOME.
THE VERY THOUGHT BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE,
I DROPPED TO MY KNEES AND STARTED TO CRY;
THE SOLDIER AWAKENED AND I HEARD A ROUGH VOICE,
"SANTA DON'T CRY, THIS LIFE IS MY CHOICE;
I FIGHT FOR FREEDOM, I DON'T ASK FOR MORE,
MY LIFE IS MY GOD, MY COUNTRY, MY CORPS."
THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER AND DRIFTED TO SLEEP,
I COULDN'T CONTROL IT, I CONTINUED TO WEEP.
I KEPT WATCH FOR HOURS, SO SILENT AND STILL
AND WE BOTH SHIVERED FROM THE COLD NIGHT'S CHILL.
I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE ON THAT COLD, DARK, NIGHT,
THIS GUARDIAN OF HONOR SO WILLING TO FIGHT.
THEN THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER, WITH A VOICE SOFT AND PURE,
WHISPERED, "CARRY ON SANTA, IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY, ALL IS SECURE."
ONE LOOK AT MY WATCH, AND I KNEW HE WAS RIGHT.
"MERRY CHRISTMAS MY FRIEND, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT."
My Sexual IQ, Purity % and My Monty Python Charactor
Okay, its a very short quiz-- so I'm not too sure on the accuracy. I also took a 500 question purity test, and tested at only 68.8% pure.
I'm not sure on the accuracy of this one either, but I'm happy with the result.
Mean lil fellow, arn't you?
What Monty Python Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You have a sexual IQ of 134 When it comes to sex, you are a super genius. You have had a lot of experience, and sex interests you so you know a lot about it. You pride yourself on being a source of information and guidance to all of your friends. Take this quiz at QuizUniverse.com |
I'm not sure on the accuracy of this one either, but I'm happy with the result.
Mean lil fellow, arn't you?
What Monty Python Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
20051205
When You Get To Heaven
A man, after living a full life and being the best possible sailor and
proud member of the US Navy, dies. When he got to heaven, St. Peter
was showing him around. They came to a modest little bungalow with a faded Navy Crest in the
window.
"This cottage is yours--yours for ETERNITY," said Peter. "This is very
special and not just anyone gets a home like this up here!"
The Sailor felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On the
way up to the porch, he notices another house just around the corner.
It was a tri-level mansion with a gold carpet rolled along the
pathway, and a 50-foot tall scarlet and gold statue bearing the image
of the Marines' eagle, globe and anchor. Not just this, but every
window bore some sort of Marine paraphernalia!
The Sailor dismally looks at Peter and said, "Peter, I'm not trying to
sound ungrateful, but I have question to ask."
"I was an outstanding citizen, I served 30 years of honest and
faithful service, I did the best I could for the people I came in
contact with!"Peter asked, "So what is your question, my son?"
"Well, why is it that those Marines get a better house than us Navy
chaps?"
..................
Peter chuckles and says, "Silly swabbie, that's God's house!"
proud member of the US Navy, dies. When he got to heaven, St. Peter
was showing him around. They came to a modest little bungalow with a faded Navy Crest in the
window.
"This cottage is yours--yours for ETERNITY," said Peter. "This is very
special and not just anyone gets a home like this up here!"
The Sailor felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On the
way up to the porch, he notices another house just around the corner.
It was a tri-level mansion with a gold carpet rolled along the
pathway, and a 50-foot tall scarlet and gold statue bearing the image
of the Marines' eagle, globe and anchor. Not just this, but every
window bore some sort of Marine paraphernalia!
The Sailor dismally looks at Peter and said, "Peter, I'm not trying to
sound ungrateful, but I have question to ask."
"I was an outstanding citizen, I served 30 years of honest and
faithful service, I did the best I could for the people I came in
contact with!"Peter asked, "So what is your question, my son?"
"Well, why is it that those Marines get a better house than us Navy
chaps?"
..................
Peter chuckles and says, "Silly swabbie, that's God's house!"
20051129
The Leaving Song pt. 1
I may be leaving Grand Rapids, in which case I'll be leaving Michigan altogether. It all boils down to two things, whether or not I decide to drop out of college, and if I do decide to do so, whether or not I can get a better job. If I can't get a better job, I can't afford to stay. So I've got to rethink my options.
20051126
Southern Remedy for Cough and Cold
1 shot whiskey
1 shot lemon juice
1 tablespoon of honey.
put into a coffee cup, fill the rest with steaming hot water-- sip until gone.
1 shot lemon juice
1 tablespoon of honey.
put into a coffee cup, fill the rest with steaming hot water-- sip until gone.
20051124
I need help from the Bad Example Family
I've got a bottle of Chivas Regal, a new bottle of Jack, a bottle of Captain Morgan, and a bottle of the captain's private stock. What I need is a good remedy for a cold-- preferably one that involves atleast one of these drinks.
20051117
Talk Is Cheap
There used to be a time when giving your word meant something. Yes meant yes, and No meant no. There was a time when giving your word was as good as a signed contract, and in some cases, more binding than the signed contract. As for me, I continue to say what I mean, and mean what I say. If I say that I'm going to do something, then I'm going to do it. I don't like words like maybe, or phrases like I'll try. Give me either a yes or a no.
All too often, I watch as people manipulate others with their less than direct words. Or they'll say something and then the things that they do go against what they said. More often than not, its girls who do it to guys. "Oh, I'd love to hang out sometime." And then every time the guy tries to arrange a time to meet, the girl is busy. I'm not saying that guys don't do these kinds of things as well, but they tend to be more direct. And I know that a lot of the time, people do it because they don't want the other person to get hurt.
I hereby request that people start being more direct with each other. Quit trying to protect people from getting hurt, it isn't helping them.
All too often, I watch as people manipulate others with their less than direct words. Or they'll say something and then the things that they do go against what they said. More often than not, its girls who do it to guys. "Oh, I'd love to hang out sometime." And then every time the guy tries to arrange a time to meet, the girl is busy. I'm not saying that guys don't do these kinds of things as well, but they tend to be more direct. And I know that a lot of the time, people do it because they don't want the other person to get hurt.
I hereby request that people start being more direct with each other. Quit trying to protect people from getting hurt, it isn't helping them.
20051115
Filler while I work on a real post
The Dump List, taken from here, can only be called, Highschool Bathroom Humor. But what can I say, I love bathroom humor. Its almost as good Harvey's Love Notes Comments.
The Poop Name List
The Perfect Dump - Every once in a while, each of us experiences a perfect dump, it's rare, but a thing of beauty in all respects. You sit down expecting the worst, but what you get is a smooth sliding, fartless masterpiece that breaks the water with the splashless grace of an expert diver. But that's not the end of it. You use some toilet tissue only to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes you feel that all is right with the world and you are in perfect harmony with it.
The Beer Dump - Talk about nasty dumps. Depending on the dumper's tolerance, the beer dump is the end result of too many beers. it could have been 2 or 22, it doesn't matter. What you get is a sinister, lengthy, noisy dump accompanied by a malevolent fog that could close a bathroom for days.
The Chili Dump - Hot when it goes in, and rocket fuel when it leaves. The chili dump stays with you all day, making your tush feel like a heat shield.
The Cable Dump - Long, curly and perfectly formed like 2 feet of E13 telephone CO-axial cable. It loops lazily around the bowl, like a friendly serpent. You wonder admiringly, "DID I DO THAT? Where did it come from?" you leave the bathroom pleased with yourself.
The Latrine Dump - In case you didn't know, a latrine is a hole in the ground with a tent around it where soldiers, boy scouts and flies go to dump. Tip: Don't ever, ever look in the hole.
The Mona Lisa Dump - This is the masterpiece of dumps. It's as perfectly formed as it can be. Delicate and slender with intricacies that would make da Vinci weep. And just think, you made it yourself. You may even want to break out the Polaroid, but maybe that's going a bit too far.
The Empty Roll Dump - You're done...you reach for the toilet paper only to discover that empty cardboard cylinder. A mild panic begins coldly in your throat. You could use the curtains...no, someone would say "Where are the curtains?" Then what would you say? The rug?...too cumbersome. Then you must come to the same conclusion that every "empty roll dumper" must face...Pull up your slacks, tighten your tush and wriggle yourself to the nearest full roll.
The Splash Back Dump - You send the dump on its way, it drops like a depth charge into the bowl creating a column of cold bowl water that washes your bottom with a startlingly unpleasant shock. Now you're wet and embarrassed.
Tip: Blot instead of wiping.
The Aborted Dump - You are in mid-dump when the phone rings. What do you do? ABORT! Pinch it off, go for the phone, and save the rest for later. It isn't pretty, but you've gotta do what you gotta do
The Caesarian Dump - Pain, that's what this dump and childbirth have in common. Its simply a case of too much dump trying to go through too small a hole, and there's no obstetrician to help.
The Alfresco Dump - Everyone has had to go outdoors from time to time. This can be a rather pleasant experience really. The open air, the nature, and a good bush all contribute to the peaceful ambiance that our primitive forefathers must have enjoyed. What can screw up this harmonious interlude is a troop of brownies or a patch of poison ivy.
The Childbirth Dump - This is a dump that is simply too big to go through the aperture provided by nature for the purpose. You sit there, thinking over your dilemma. First it hurts, and it isn't going to get any better. You wonder if you'll ever see your loved ones again. You imagine the newspaper headlines screaming "Man dies trying to hatch monster loaf". You realize you'll have to resolve the crisis before you can leave the bathroom. Basically there are only three things you can do:
1. Scream
2. Call an Obstetrician
3. Hope like hell have enough Vaseline to get you through it.
The Tijuana Trot Dump - The phrase "Sh*t Happens" really applies here in a big way. When the ice in your tainted margarita makes contact with your lower intestinal tract, the fun begins. For the next 72 hours you'd be better off if you carried your own portable toilet with you because you will spend most of that time on the pot and the rest of the time in a fetal position. Now you realize why Mexico never had a navy.
The Machine Gun Dump - You're just sitting there in a state of sublime peace when all of a sudden you emit a group of noisy gassy bursts that break the silence like machine gun fire. The guy in the next stall hits the floor like a combat veteran cradling his umbrella like an M16...damn commies.
The Sound Effect Dump - You feel a noisy one coming on. Relatives, friends or work mates are within earshot, so you must employ some clever techniques to cover the disgusting sounds you are about to emit. Timing is obviously very important here. At the precise moment of release, try the following sound effects:
1. Flush the toilet
2. Sing the first two stanzas of your national anthem
3. Drop a handful of quarters on the floor
The Security Dump - You have enough on your mind when you're in the bathroom without worrying about a lockless door and someone bursting in to find you in mid-dump mode. So how can you prevent this embarrassing spectacle from taking place? One way is to strategically place your foot against the door. If you can't reach to do this...hum loudly
The Cling-On Dump - For the most part you've completed your dump, but there's one little morsel that refuses to drop off. You're getting impatient. Someone else wants to use your stall. So, you grip the seat with both hands and wriggle, twist and pump but that last little stubborn piece just hangs there, suspended, clinging like a canned peach between you and the bowl water. Maybe the person pounding impatiently on the door has scissors
The Houdini Dump - You go, then you stand up to flush, and the darn thing has disappeared. Where'd it go? Did it creep down the pipe? Did you dream the whole thing? Is it lurking out of sight? Should you wipe...maybe you should just to make sure you went. Should you flush? you'd better, because if you don't, you know it will reappear and smile at the next person who comes in
The Flu Dump - You feel so bad that you don't know which end of you to put down first. You have roaring cramps, so you sit down. Then a wave of nausea rolls over you like a cold fog, so you stand up and cramps squeeze your intestines like a vice so you sit down again...up down up down. Don't you wish Mom were close by?
The Porta-Pottie Dump - Construction workers and outdoor concert goers will tell you about going in a portable toilet. My best description would be, "Its like taking a shit in an upright coffin". Its claustrophobic and it smells bad...best advice...go in a paper cup.
The Proctologist Dump - In the beginning, the lord created the earth, the sky and the firmament, but I hope he didn't create this dump, because there is nothing biblical about it, you run out of gas. That's right, you run out of propulsion. The dump is right there at the end of your barrel and refuses to go any further. You grunt, you squeeze, you wriggle but it just stays there like a lump of lead. You've only got two choices here. One is to squeeze the damn thing back up your intestine and wait until next time. The other is to pretend you're a proctologist and go after it yourself. Not a pretty picture is it??
The Whole Roll Dump - No matter how much you wipe, it doesn't seem to be enough. You blow the whole roll and you have to flush 25 times too. The whole episode is consumer waste.
The Graffiti Dump - You flush the dump and the swirling motion of the receding bowl water forces the dump to the porcelain sides, scraping a creative squiggle on its way down. You flush again but the curlicue hangs there...love it or leave it. Its your choice.
The Encore Dump - Ahhhh, you're done, so you wipe, put yourself together, wash your hands and are about to vacate the bathroom when you feel another dump coming. You have to return for a curtain call. The world's record is seven encores.
The Born Again Dump - This is a dump that's going so badly, you say "Lord, if I live through this, I'll take up religion" you always get through it, but seldom keep the promise you made in desperation, because a born again dump is like childbirth...you forget the pain quickly.
The Poop Name List
The Perfect Dump - Every once in a while, each of us experiences a perfect dump, it's rare, but a thing of beauty in all respects. You sit down expecting the worst, but what you get is a smooth sliding, fartless masterpiece that breaks the water with the splashless grace of an expert diver. But that's not the end of it. You use some toilet tissue only to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes you feel that all is right with the world and you are in perfect harmony with it.
The Beer Dump - Talk about nasty dumps. Depending on the dumper's tolerance, the beer dump is the end result of too many beers. it could have been 2 or 22, it doesn't matter. What you get is a sinister, lengthy, noisy dump accompanied by a malevolent fog that could close a bathroom for days.
The Chili Dump - Hot when it goes in, and rocket fuel when it leaves. The chili dump stays with you all day, making your tush feel like a heat shield.
The Cable Dump - Long, curly and perfectly formed like 2 feet of E13 telephone CO-axial cable. It loops lazily around the bowl, like a friendly serpent. You wonder admiringly, "DID I DO THAT? Where did it come from?" you leave the bathroom pleased with yourself.
The Latrine Dump - In case you didn't know, a latrine is a hole in the ground with a tent around it where soldiers, boy scouts and flies go to dump. Tip: Don't ever, ever look in the hole.
The Mona Lisa Dump - This is the masterpiece of dumps. It's as perfectly formed as it can be. Delicate and slender with intricacies that would make da Vinci weep. And just think, you made it yourself. You may even want to break out the Polaroid, but maybe that's going a bit too far.
The Empty Roll Dump - You're done...you reach for the toilet paper only to discover that empty cardboard cylinder. A mild panic begins coldly in your throat. You could use the curtains...no, someone would say "Where are the curtains?" Then what would you say? The rug?...too cumbersome. Then you must come to the same conclusion that every "empty roll dumper" must face...Pull up your slacks, tighten your tush and wriggle yourself to the nearest full roll.
The Splash Back Dump - You send the dump on its way, it drops like a depth charge into the bowl creating a column of cold bowl water that washes your bottom with a startlingly unpleasant shock. Now you're wet and embarrassed.
Tip: Blot instead of wiping.
The Aborted Dump - You are in mid-dump when the phone rings. What do you do? ABORT! Pinch it off, go for the phone, and save the rest for later. It isn't pretty, but you've gotta do what you gotta do
The Caesarian Dump - Pain, that's what this dump and childbirth have in common. Its simply a case of too much dump trying to go through too small a hole, and there's no obstetrician to help.
The Alfresco Dump - Everyone has had to go outdoors from time to time. This can be a rather pleasant experience really. The open air, the nature, and a good bush all contribute to the peaceful ambiance that our primitive forefathers must have enjoyed. What can screw up this harmonious interlude is a troop of brownies or a patch of poison ivy.
The Childbirth Dump - This is a dump that is simply too big to go through the aperture provided by nature for the purpose. You sit there, thinking over your dilemma. First it hurts, and it isn't going to get any better. You wonder if you'll ever see your loved ones again. You imagine the newspaper headlines screaming "Man dies trying to hatch monster loaf". You realize you'll have to resolve the crisis before you can leave the bathroom. Basically there are only three things you can do:
1. Scream
2. Call an Obstetrician
3. Hope like hell have enough Vaseline to get you through it.
The Tijuana Trot Dump - The phrase "Sh*t Happens" really applies here in a big way. When the ice in your tainted margarita makes contact with your lower intestinal tract, the fun begins. For the next 72 hours you'd be better off if you carried your own portable toilet with you because you will spend most of that time on the pot and the rest of the time in a fetal position. Now you realize why Mexico never had a navy.
The Machine Gun Dump - You're just sitting there in a state of sublime peace when all of a sudden you emit a group of noisy gassy bursts that break the silence like machine gun fire. The guy in the next stall hits the floor like a combat veteran cradling his umbrella like an M16...damn commies.
The Sound Effect Dump - You feel a noisy one coming on. Relatives, friends or work mates are within earshot, so you must employ some clever techniques to cover the disgusting sounds you are about to emit. Timing is obviously very important here. At the precise moment of release, try the following sound effects:
1. Flush the toilet
2. Sing the first two stanzas of your national anthem
3. Drop a handful of quarters on the floor
The Security Dump - You have enough on your mind when you're in the bathroom without worrying about a lockless door and someone bursting in to find you in mid-dump mode. So how can you prevent this embarrassing spectacle from taking place? One way is to strategically place your foot against the door. If you can't reach to do this...hum loudly
The Cling-On Dump - For the most part you've completed your dump, but there's one little morsel that refuses to drop off. You're getting impatient. Someone else wants to use your stall. So, you grip the seat with both hands and wriggle, twist and pump but that last little stubborn piece just hangs there, suspended, clinging like a canned peach between you and the bowl water. Maybe the person pounding impatiently on the door has scissors
The Houdini Dump - You go, then you stand up to flush, and the darn thing has disappeared. Where'd it go? Did it creep down the pipe? Did you dream the whole thing? Is it lurking out of sight? Should you wipe...maybe you should just to make sure you went. Should you flush? you'd better, because if you don't, you know it will reappear and smile at the next person who comes in
The Flu Dump - You feel so bad that you don't know which end of you to put down first. You have roaring cramps, so you sit down. Then a wave of nausea rolls over you like a cold fog, so you stand up and cramps squeeze your intestines like a vice so you sit down again...up down up down. Don't you wish Mom were close by?
The Porta-Pottie Dump - Construction workers and outdoor concert goers will tell you about going in a portable toilet. My best description would be, "Its like taking a shit in an upright coffin". Its claustrophobic and it smells bad...best advice...go in a paper cup.
The Proctologist Dump - In the beginning, the lord created the earth, the sky and the firmament, but I hope he didn't create this dump, because there is nothing biblical about it, you run out of gas. That's right, you run out of propulsion. The dump is right there at the end of your barrel and refuses to go any further. You grunt, you squeeze, you wriggle but it just stays there like a lump of lead. You've only got two choices here. One is to squeeze the damn thing back up your intestine and wait until next time. The other is to pretend you're a proctologist and go after it yourself. Not a pretty picture is it??
The Whole Roll Dump - No matter how much you wipe, it doesn't seem to be enough. You blow the whole roll and you have to flush 25 times too. The whole episode is consumer waste.
The Graffiti Dump - You flush the dump and the swirling motion of the receding bowl water forces the dump to the porcelain sides, scraping a creative squiggle on its way down. You flush again but the curlicue hangs there...love it or leave it. Its your choice.
The Encore Dump - Ahhhh, you're done, so you wipe, put yourself together, wash your hands and are about to vacate the bathroom when you feel another dump coming. You have to return for a curtain call. The world's record is seven encores.
The Born Again Dump - This is a dump that's going so badly, you say "Lord, if I live through this, I'll take up religion" you always get through it, but seldom keep the promise you made in desperation, because a born again dump is like childbirth...you forget the pain quickly.
20051110
The Internet and You
So Tuesday, I'll finally have internet access at my place. At that time, the fun shall begin. maybe.
20051025
Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating. My profile name: custoshonor |
I must say that I feel I am quite cocky/confident . . . But otherwise it's pretty accurate.
20051024
Someone Is Lying To Me
As I may of may not have mentioned, I had not heard from my friend who's boyfriend hits her since Thursday afternoon. Nor had she gone into work that Friday or Saturday. I didn't get to sleep Saturday night until about 05:00, largely due to the fact that I was worried about her. I went in to work on Sunday to purchase some things, and who should I see but that same friend whom had been missing. I went through her line, and asked how she was doing, and if she wanted to go to the police. After a very long pause in answer, in which time she told me that he would get quite angry if he came to pick her up and she wasn't there, she told me that she would like to go. I then set things up so that I would arrive well before her boyfriend should, and also arranged to get her out of work early so as to avoid confrontation. I then left and got a friend of mine (my old roommate) to help in case anything went wrong.
Well, things went wrong. Upon arriving back at work, the Service Coordinator asked me if I knew where the girl was, as she had gone on break and didn't come back, this being a half an hour ago. We then searched the store and didn't find her. I called her cell, and recieved no answer. My only possible clue was a phone number that had called my cellphone that I didn't recognize. Upon doing a reverse phone search, I got the address, and my friend and I drove there in his car (his car is much faster than my truck) with the idea of taking her to the police station if that was indeed where she was at. I recognized her car in the driveway, and knocked on the door, but recieved no answer. I then called the number which had called me, using caller ID blocker, and an older woman answered the phone. I explained who I was, and what the situation was, and asked to speak to the girl. I was not permitted to do so, and was informed that she was not being abused (she can leave whenever she wants) had called them on her break, and was terrified of me, having them come and get her at work. After a bit more discussion, I left it that I would no longer try to contact her, and that she knew how to reach me if she needed to. This message was conveyed to the girl, who they told me said, "fine."
I don't know if she's the one lying, or if they are. If its her, she's doing a damned good job of it, because there are people who think she's being abused who haven't even talked to her about it.
Either way, I feel used and made a fool of.
"Life's a dance you learn as you go, sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow. Don't worry about what you don't know. Life's a dance you learn as you go."
-John Michael Montgomery
What happened to the life I thought I signed up for?
Well, things went wrong. Upon arriving back at work, the Service Coordinator asked me if I knew where the girl was, as she had gone on break and didn't come back, this being a half an hour ago. We then searched the store and didn't find her. I called her cell, and recieved no answer. My only possible clue was a phone number that had called my cellphone that I didn't recognize. Upon doing a reverse phone search, I got the address, and my friend and I drove there in his car (his car is much faster than my truck) with the idea of taking her to the police station if that was indeed where she was at. I recognized her car in the driveway, and knocked on the door, but recieved no answer. I then called the number which had called me, using caller ID blocker, and an older woman answered the phone. I explained who I was, and what the situation was, and asked to speak to the girl. I was not permitted to do so, and was informed that she was not being abused (she can leave whenever she wants) had called them on her break, and was terrified of me, having them come and get her at work. After a bit more discussion, I left it that I would no longer try to contact her, and that she knew how to reach me if she needed to. This message was conveyed to the girl, who they told me said, "fine."
I don't know if she's the one lying, or if they are. If its her, she's doing a damned good job of it, because there are people who think she's being abused who haven't even talked to her about it.
Either way, I feel used and made a fool of.
"Life's a dance you learn as you go, sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow. Don't worry about what you don't know. Life's a dance you learn as you go."
-John Michael Montgomery
What happened to the life I thought I signed up for?
20051019
Update
I haven't posted in a while, partly due to the fun that is moving in to a new place, partly due to not having internet at my new place, and partly because so much has been happening that I just couldn't make time. So as it stands, here's what's happened in the life of the good Reverend:
I started hanging out with a coworker who had told me she was 18, and things seemed to be going well. I then found out from one of my slightly higher ups that she wasn't 18, that she was 17. I don't know about other states, but in Michigan, that kind of thing is frowned upon. Now, there wasn't anything to actually worry about, as we didn't have sex, and that's where the law has a problem with it.
That she had lied to me didn't have the normal affect it would usually have on me-- I usually would end a relationship of any kind after someone has lied to me. or at the very least, whatever trust I had given them would no longer be given. However, in this case, I didn't care. Come to find out later that she had started seeing another co-worker, saying the same thing, and found out that she and I were never actually dating, which was fine with me. I fel sorry for my co-worker, as he now has to deal with her, and she thinks that she and him are dating (Ahh the drama that unfolds at Meijer)
Came to realize that I didn't care that she lied, or that we weren't dating, because I love another girl, whom I had thoroughly burned a bridge with and can't contact anymore.
In other news, I began focusing on a new cashier at meijer, and we hung out last night. I knew that she had a boyfriend, and that he was/is very controlling. What I found out last night was that he hits her. I had her stay the night, and today before she left, she promised she would go to the police. I'm going to talk with her again tonight, and if she hasn't gone to the police yet, then I'll take her myself tomorrow.
Life has been interesting these past few weeks. I sometimes feel that God is using me for his own amusement, but that's okay, because I'm laughing too.
I started hanging out with a coworker who had told me she was 18, and things seemed to be going well. I then found out from one of my slightly higher ups that she wasn't 18, that she was 17. I don't know about other states, but in Michigan, that kind of thing is frowned upon. Now, there wasn't anything to actually worry about, as we didn't have sex, and that's where the law has a problem with it.
That she had lied to me didn't have the normal affect it would usually have on me-- I usually would end a relationship of any kind after someone has lied to me. or at the very least, whatever trust I had given them would no longer be given. However, in this case, I didn't care. Come to find out later that she had started seeing another co-worker, saying the same thing, and found out that she and I were never actually dating, which was fine with me. I fel sorry for my co-worker, as he now has to deal with her, and she thinks that she and him are dating (Ahh the drama that unfolds at Meijer)
Came to realize that I didn't care that she lied, or that we weren't dating, because I love another girl, whom I had thoroughly burned a bridge with and can't contact anymore.
In other news, I began focusing on a new cashier at meijer, and we hung out last night. I knew that she had a boyfriend, and that he was/is very controlling. What I found out last night was that he hits her. I had her stay the night, and today before she left, she promised she would go to the police. I'm going to talk with her again tonight, and if she hasn't gone to the police yet, then I'll take her myself tomorrow.
Life has been interesting these past few weeks. I sometimes feel that God is using me for his own amusement, but that's okay, because I'm laughing too.
20051003
20050926
Let The Fun Begin
I've been keeping this to myself. Well, I've told a few people, but no one in the blog family knows. I was evicted from my current residence "for the safety of the other tenants." This despite the fact that it was the house manager who decided to describe various ways he wanted to hurt me. Despite the fact that I never once threatened anyone in this house. I don't like how the owners handled it. They kicked me out without first hearing my side of things. Didn't even bother to ask the other roommates. On the word of only one person, I'm getting kicked out. So I've found a new place to live. I likely won't have internet much longer, as I refuse to do the chores at a place I've been kicked out of. So wreak havic in the comments. I need something to read when I get back.
Can God Create A Rock So Big That He Can't Lift It?
So I was googling the title of Oolom Caloophid's second book in his trilogy of philosophical blockbusters, Some More of God's Greatest Mistakes, and I came accross this discussion thread, which poses the question you see in the title. Upon reading some of the responses, this one struck me as the funniest, and I thought I'd share it with you. Yes, I do have too much free time. No, I don't need to be given something to do.
"Wow. I had never considered such a question before? Is it possible? Is it paradox? Does it imply a limit to omnipotence or an omnipotence that transcends logic? Think of the ramifications?
If God could do that, could he make himself forget that he had done it?
If the rock was too heavy for Him, could God create another being strong enough to lift it?
If the other being did lift it, could God make the rock heavier and squash him?
If God did that, which would be kind of mean, really, would he feel guilty?
If He did feel guilty, could he change the way he truly felt?
If He could change the way He truly felt, could he just give himself eternal psychic orgasms?
If God could give himself eternal psychic orgasms, would each one be as good as th efirst or would they get old after a while?
If eternal psychic orgasms get old after a while, could God just vibrate the Universe, you know, just until the right deity came along?"
"Wow. I had never considered such a question before? Is it possible? Is it paradox? Does it imply a limit to omnipotence or an omnipotence that transcends logic? Think of the ramifications?
If God could do that, could he make himself forget that he had done it?
If the rock was too heavy for Him, could God create another being strong enough to lift it?
If the other being did lift it, could God make the rock heavier and squash him?
If God did that, which would be kind of mean, really, would he feel guilty?
If He did feel guilty, could he change the way he truly felt?
If He could change the way He truly felt, could he just give himself eternal psychic orgasms?
If God could give himself eternal psychic orgasms, would each one be as good as th efirst or would they get old after a while?
If eternal psychic orgasms get old after a while, could God just vibrate the Universe, you know, just until the right deity came along?"
20050925
Wounds Run Deep -- and now I myself am Chasing Amy.
See previous post for Silent Bob's story about Amy if you need the Chasing Amy reference. His story is similar to mine only in that we both fucked up.
Why is it that when someone close to us hurts us deeply; to the point of ripping our heart to shreds, even if they didn't mean to-- Why is it we do the one thing that makes it worse for us? Why is it always that that one thing seems like the best choice?
I made a mistake, and I can't take it back. I meant what I said. I still felt betrayed, and it felt like they didn't really mean what they had told me-- their actions told me completely different things than what their words did. I always thought that I could override my heart with logic. It's amazing how logical the heart can sound in times of pain and hurt. I thought that since the thoughts I had weren't resultant from anger that they were from my mind, and not my heart. I felt like I had been betrayed, and it was probably just my imagination, but I did the worst thing I could think of-- I broke a promise and betrayed them. Their betrayal, if that's really what it was, did not deserve the response I gave. I screwed up, and now I'm going to pay the price for it.
Why is it that when someone close to us hurts us deeply; to the point of ripping our heart to shreds, even if they didn't mean to-- Why is it we do the one thing that makes it worse for us? Why is it always that that one thing seems like the best choice?
I made a mistake, and I can't take it back. I meant what I said. I still felt betrayed, and it felt like they didn't really mean what they had told me-- their actions told me completely different things than what their words did. I always thought that I could override my heart with logic. It's amazing how logical the heart can sound in times of pain and hurt. I thought that since the thoughts I had weren't resultant from anger that they were from my mind, and not my heart. I felt like I had been betrayed, and it was probably just my imagination, but I did the worst thing I could think of-- I broke a promise and betrayed them. Their betrayal, if that's really what it was, did not deserve the response I gave. I screwed up, and now I'm going to pay the price for it.
Silent Bob on Chasing Amy
This was taken almost directly from this site. With some of it cut out as it didn't apply to the story.
Silent Bob: [to Holden] So there's me an' Amy, and we're all inseparable, right? Just big time in love. And then about four months in, I ask about the ex-boyfriend. Dumb move, I know, but you know how it is - you don't really want to know, but you just have to... stupid guy bullshit. Anyway she starts telling me all about him - how they dated for years, lived together, her mother likes me better, blah, blah, blah - and I'm okay. But then she tells me that a couple times, he brought other people to bed with them - ménage a tois, I believe it's called. Now this just blows my mind. I mean, I'm not used to that sort of thing, right? I was raised Catholic.
So I get weirded out, and just start blasting her, right? This is the only way I can deal with it - by calling her a slut, and telling her that she was used - I mean, I'm out for blood I want to hurt her - because I don't know how to deal with what I'm feeling. And I'm like "What the fuck is wrong with you?" and she's telling me that it was that time, in that place, and she didn't do anything wrong, so she's not gonna apologize. So I tell her it's over, and I walk.
It was a mistake. I wasn't disgusted with her, I was afraid. At that moment, I felt small - like I'd lacked experience, like I'd never be on her level or never be enough for her or something. And what I didn't get was that she didn't care. She wasn't looking for that guy anymore. She was looking for me, for the Bob. But by the time I realized this, it was too late, you know. She'd moved on, and all I had to show for it was some foolish pride, which then gave way to regret. She was the girl, I know that now. But I pushed her away...
[Silent Bob lights a cigarette]
Silent Bob: So I've spent every day since then chasing Amy...
[takes a drag from his smoke]
Silent Bob: So to speak.
Silent Bob: [to Holden] So there's me an' Amy, and we're all inseparable, right? Just big time in love. And then about four months in, I ask about the ex-boyfriend. Dumb move, I know, but you know how it is - you don't really want to know, but you just have to... stupid guy bullshit. Anyway she starts telling me all about him - how they dated for years, lived together, her mother likes me better, blah, blah, blah - and I'm okay. But then she tells me that a couple times, he brought other people to bed with them - ménage a tois, I believe it's called. Now this just blows my mind. I mean, I'm not used to that sort of thing, right? I was raised Catholic.
So I get weirded out, and just start blasting her, right? This is the only way I can deal with it - by calling her a slut, and telling her that she was used - I mean, I'm out for blood I want to hurt her - because I don't know how to deal with what I'm feeling. And I'm like "What the fuck is wrong with you?" and she's telling me that it was that time, in that place, and she didn't do anything wrong, so she's not gonna apologize. So I tell her it's over, and I walk.
It was a mistake. I wasn't disgusted with her, I was afraid. At that moment, I felt small - like I'd lacked experience, like I'd never be on her level or never be enough for her or something. And what I didn't get was that she didn't care. She wasn't looking for that guy anymore. She was looking for me, for the Bob. But by the time I realized this, it was too late, you know. She'd moved on, and all I had to show for it was some foolish pride, which then gave way to regret. She was the girl, I know that now. But I pushed her away...
[Silent Bob lights a cigarette]
Silent Bob: So I've spent every day since then chasing Amy...
[takes a drag from his smoke]
Silent Bob: So to speak.
20050923
Google Talk Revisited
So I've finally had a chance to use google talk, and its a decent program-- not as nice as AIM with deadaim attachment or YIM, but its got potential, and I like to use it.
On another Instant Messenger feature, there is now a program called Tizzle Talk which translates everything you write into another dialect. My favorite to use it pirate, in which this bible verse goes from:
"'Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?' Jesus said to him, 'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'”
Becomes:
“'Teacher, I'll warrant ye, which is th' great commandment in th' law?' Jesus said t' that scurvey dog, 'Ye shall love th' Lord yer God with all yer heart, and with all yer soul, and with all yer mind. This is th' great and first commandment. Pass the grog! And a second is like it, Ye shall love yer neighbor as yourself.'”
There are also settings for ebonics, redneck, dubya, Jessica Simpson, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Engrish, Jacko, Nelly, Pig Laten, and Napoleon Dynomite. The makers are also adding more dialects, and soon to come appears to be Yoda, based on the current poll.
On another Instant Messenger feature, there is now a program called Tizzle Talk which translates everything you write into another dialect. My favorite to use it pirate, in which this bible verse goes from:
"'Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?' Jesus said to him, 'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'”
Becomes:
“'Teacher, I'll warrant ye, which is th' great commandment in th' law?' Jesus said t' that scurvey dog, 'Ye shall love th' Lord yer God with all yer heart, and with all yer soul, and with all yer mind. This is th' great and first commandment. Pass the grog! And a second is like it, Ye shall love yer neighbor as yourself.'”
There are also settings for ebonics, redneck, dubya, Jessica Simpson, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Engrish, Jacko, Nelly, Pig Laten, and Napoleon Dynomite. The makers are also adding more dialects, and soon to come appears to be Yoda, based on the current poll.
20050921
Simple Math
This was sent to me by a friend and colleage.
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC Smart boss + smart employee = profit Smart boss + dumb employee = production Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs. A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS STATISTICS A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, You're next. They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC Smart boss + smart employee = profit Smart boss + dumb employee = production Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs. A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS STATISTICS A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, You're next. They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
20050919
Yaaarrrr! It's National Talk Like a Pirate Day!
As ye know from readin' th' title of this here post, it be national talk like a pirate day. And by Blackbeard's sword, it be only fitting to give ye access to the Talk Like a Pirate website. Where ye lubbers can learn all about how to talk like a true buccaneer.
An' if ye be having trouble talkin' like a buccaneer, the bilge rats on tha' site have seen fit to provide a transla'or for even the thickest lubber.
An' if ye be having trouble talkin' like a buccaneer, the bilge rats on tha' site have seen fit to provide a transla'or for even the thickest lubber.
20050918
Is It Worth It?
The other day, my girl told me that she was sick, and that I shouldn't kiss her. Well, as I have a somewhat well developed immune system, I decided to take the risk, and kissed her anyway. Now I'm sick, too. So looking at it from a logical standpoint, it was fun to kiss her, but it wasn't fun to end up getting her cold. In the long term, I've also given my immune system something to attack so that it will remain strong, which is good. I guess in the end, that you have to decide-- I'm still not sure if it was worth it. But at the time I kissed her it was.
20050914
Happy Birthday Harvey!!!
So its my blogfather's birthday, and while I'd love to send him some gifts, I just recently burned my entire pr0n collection by accident. Ah, the things we do when we're drunk . . . So, I got this for him instead:
Happy Birthday Blogdad
Happy Birthday Blogdad
20050912
updates and whatever and more dating tips
Okay, I haven't really updated, not sure if posting gaps are going to get worse or not, my dating tips do work as is now proven by the fact that I'm dating a girl-- not the one I was flirting with that I mentioned, but another girl. Rather than give more tips, I'm just going to tell you what works for me. It may not work for you, but it should help you develop confidence, which is an important key to developing attraction. Here's an IM conversation with a friend which should explain my technique rather well. This is posted with his permission.
Custos Honor (11:57:08 PM): dude a friend quoted me in his AIM status
bluelitespecia (11:57:24 PM): oh, what he say?
Custos Honor (11:57:38 PM): Custos Honor (10:48:06 PM): they say that they want a "nice" guy-- but what they really want is the "alpha male" ... My friend Andrew Boykin on the female dating agenda. Sleep well
bluelitespecia (11:57:42 PM): and Nathan quotes me sometimes too ><
bluelitespecia (11:58:00 PM): lol
bluelitespecia (11:58:18 PM): nice guy means they want an alpha male eh?
bluelitespecia (11:59:12 PM): brandon: i'll leave running that cable to you then, i gotta find the tv power cord
me: thats cool
me: no worries about running the wire at all, it'll be a sinch
me: ... or an explosive fireball of battery acid.
Custos Honor (12:02:24 AM): heh
Custos Honor (12:02:43 AM): yeah I've seen that quote
Custos Honor (12:08:18 AM): and yeah, women go for the alpha male type
bluelitespecia (12:08:33 AM): what’s the definition of that
Custos Honor (12:08:45 AM): confidence
Custos Honor (12:08:49 AM): lots of confidence
bluelitespecia (12:09:14 AM): LOL, reminds me of one of those male enhancement commercials
Custos Honor (12:09:16 AM): you gotta tease the girl-- juvenile tactics tend to work
bluelitespecia (12:11:21 AM): hmmmm, what kind of tease?
Custos Honor (12:11:33 AM): flirting mostly
Custos Honor (12:11:44 AM): eye contact-- touching
bluelitespecia (12:12:00 AM): most excellent
Custos Honor (12:12:18 AM): being able to flirt with your eyes is a plus
bluelitespecia (12:12:59 AM): I got eye contact down, more flirting comes with more confidence, but then I’m not sure if they even want to be touched
Custos Honor (12:13:32 AM): start with poking
Custos Honor (12:13:42 AM): not hard poking, more tickling kind of poking
bluelitespecia (12:13:58 AM): hmmmm
Custos Honor (12:14:34 AM): another tactic-- when their back is to you, walk up behind them quietly, get right up to their ear, and softly say "boo"
bluelitespecia (12:14:56 AM): ninja sneakiness, excellent, I have that
Custos Honor (12:15:10 AM): alternately, if they see you, continue to walk up to them poke them lightly, and say "poke"
Custos Honor (12:16:10 AM): if you're walking, casually put your arm around their shoulders for a couple seconds, then lightly rub their back and go back to walking normally
Custos Honor (12:16:54 AM): tickling a girl's sides is a good way to flirt-- provided she's ticklish-- if she says stop in a way that you know means stop, then you stop, other wise feel free to tickle her every now and again
bluelitespecia (12:17:09 AM): now that’s something you'd do to a girl that your going out with, and not some random girl off the street
Custos Honor (12:17:44 AM): you don't have to be dating her
Custos Honor (12:17:53 AM): but i wouldn't recommend doing it to strangers either
Custos Honor (12:18:07 AM): girls that you know somewhat
bluelitespecia (12:18:17 AM): alright
bluelitespecia (12:20:06 AM): so need to work on some pick up lines oO
Custos Honor (12:20:10 AM): no
bluelitespecia (12:20:15 AM): heh
Custos Honor (12:20:23 AM): pick up lines aren't needed
Custos Honor (12:24:00 AM): and actually if you don't do those right, can get you slapped
bluelitespecia (12:24:25 AM): lol, great
bluelitespecia (12:24:33 AM): then I’ll choose the path without pick up lines
Custos Honor (12:29:16 AM): my now g/f posted this before she came over today: "well ok so i like this guy but he doesn’t know i like him but what can i do or say what ever"
bluelitespecia (12:30:34 AM): ah, very cool
Custos Honor (12:30:49 AM): I’m thinking she posted that about me
bluelitespecia (12:31:00 AM): well, yeah, seeing as she’s your GF now
Custos Honor (12:31:04 AM): i could be wrong, but I doubt it
bluelitespecia (12:31:27 AM): there’s your alpha male confidence
Custos Honor (12:31:51 AM): its a nice thing to have
bluelitespecia (12:31:57 AM): indeed
Custos Honor (12:33:17 AM): its too bad you live so far away, otherwise you could come hang out and I could give you some pointers
bluelitespecia (12:34:03 AM): its a same i don't spend more time with the ladies, but i don't know any that take robotics... or electrics ><
Custos Honor (12:34:29 AM): well, i perfected my technique at work and on CU campus
bluelitespecia (12:34:44 AM): lots of opportunity I’m sure
Custos Honor (12:35:48 AM): oh yeah
Custos Honor (12:36:20 AM): especially when you live in the only guys dorm on campus that shares two of three lounges with the next door girl's dorm
bluelitespecia (12:36:50 AM): heck yeah
Custos Honor (11:57:08 PM): dude a friend quoted me in his AIM status
bluelitespecia (11:57:24 PM): oh, what he say?
Custos Honor (11:57:38 PM): Custos Honor (10:48:06 PM): they say that they want a "nice" guy-- but what they really want is the "alpha male" ... My friend Andrew Boykin on the female dating agenda. Sleep well
bluelitespecia (11:57:42 PM): and Nathan quotes me sometimes too ><
bluelitespecia (11:58:00 PM): lol
bluelitespecia (11:58:18 PM): nice guy means they want an alpha male eh?
bluelitespecia (11:59:12 PM): brandon: i'll leave running that cable to you then, i gotta find the tv power cord
me: thats cool
me: no worries about running the wire at all, it'll be a sinch
me: ... or an explosive fireball of battery acid.
Custos Honor (12:02:24 AM): heh
Custos Honor (12:02:43 AM): yeah I've seen that quote
Custos Honor (12:08:18 AM): and yeah, women go for the alpha male type
bluelitespecia (12:08:33 AM): what’s the definition of that
Custos Honor (12:08:45 AM): confidence
Custos Honor (12:08:49 AM): lots of confidence
bluelitespecia (12:09:14 AM): LOL, reminds me of one of those male enhancement commercials
Custos Honor (12:09:16 AM): you gotta tease the girl-- juvenile tactics tend to work
bluelitespecia (12:11:21 AM): hmmmm, what kind of tease?
Custos Honor (12:11:33 AM): flirting mostly
Custos Honor (12:11:44 AM): eye contact-- touching
bluelitespecia (12:12:00 AM): most excellent
Custos Honor (12:12:18 AM): being able to flirt with your eyes is a plus
bluelitespecia (12:12:59 AM): I got eye contact down, more flirting comes with more confidence, but then I’m not sure if they even want to be touched
Custos Honor (12:13:32 AM): start with poking
Custos Honor (12:13:42 AM): not hard poking, more tickling kind of poking
bluelitespecia (12:13:58 AM): hmmmm
Custos Honor (12:14:34 AM): another tactic-- when their back is to you, walk up behind them quietly, get right up to their ear, and softly say "boo"
bluelitespecia (12:14:56 AM): ninja sneakiness, excellent, I have that
Custos Honor (12:15:10 AM): alternately, if they see you, continue to walk up to them poke them lightly, and say "poke"
Custos Honor (12:16:10 AM): if you're walking, casually put your arm around their shoulders for a couple seconds, then lightly rub their back and go back to walking normally
Custos Honor (12:16:54 AM): tickling a girl's sides is a good way to flirt-- provided she's ticklish-- if she says stop in a way that you know means stop, then you stop, other wise feel free to tickle her every now and again
bluelitespecia (12:17:09 AM): now that’s something you'd do to a girl that your going out with, and not some random girl off the street
Custos Honor (12:17:44 AM): you don't have to be dating her
Custos Honor (12:17:53 AM): but i wouldn't recommend doing it to strangers either
Custos Honor (12:18:07 AM): girls that you know somewhat
bluelitespecia (12:18:17 AM): alright
bluelitespecia (12:20:06 AM): so need to work on some pick up lines oO
Custos Honor (12:20:10 AM): no
bluelitespecia (12:20:15 AM): heh
Custos Honor (12:20:23 AM): pick up lines aren't needed
Custos Honor (12:24:00 AM): and actually if you don't do those right, can get you slapped
bluelitespecia (12:24:25 AM): lol, great
bluelitespecia (12:24:33 AM): then I’ll choose the path without pick up lines
Custos Honor (12:29:16 AM): my now g/f posted this before she came over today: "well ok so i like this guy but he doesn’t know i like him but what can i do or say what ever"
bluelitespecia (12:30:34 AM): ah, very cool
Custos Honor (12:30:49 AM): I’m thinking she posted that about me
bluelitespecia (12:31:00 AM): well, yeah, seeing as she’s your GF now
Custos Honor (12:31:04 AM): i could be wrong, but I doubt it
bluelitespecia (12:31:27 AM): there’s your alpha male confidence
Custos Honor (12:31:51 AM): its a nice thing to have
bluelitespecia (12:31:57 AM): indeed
Custos Honor (12:33:17 AM): its too bad you live so far away, otherwise you could come hang out and I could give you some pointers
bluelitespecia (12:34:03 AM): its a same i don't spend more time with the ladies, but i don't know any that take robotics... or electrics ><
Custos Honor (12:34:29 AM): well, i perfected my technique at work and on CU campus
bluelitespecia (12:34:44 AM): lots of opportunity I’m sure
Custos Honor (12:35:48 AM): oh yeah
Custos Honor (12:36:20 AM): especially when you live in the only guys dorm on campus that shares two of three lounges with the next door girl's dorm
bluelitespecia (12:36:50 AM): heck yeah
20050908
I Need A Side Holster
I'm trying to find a good side holster for a Smith and Wesson Model 29. Yes, Dirty Harry's gun. I want something more western looking-- something in leather. But I've having trouble finding holsters online, and I'm not really sure if the ones I've seen would fit my gun, as I don't have the gun quite yet. Any help would be much appreciated.
20050907
more games for boring times at work
Zorro tank-- http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/263567
you're a tank, and your job is to progress through levels and blow stuff up-- just make sure you choose the right angle to fire your weapon. there are upgrades along the way, and a rather hard boss at the end.
you're a tank, and your job is to progress through levels and blow stuff up-- just make sure you choose the right angle to fire your weapon. there are upgrades along the way, and a rather hard boss at the end.
Movie Idea
They should take the knowledge given from video games, and make a movie out of it. If done right, it would be one hell of a movie.
Things You Can Learn From Video Games
1. There is no problem that cannot be overcome by violence.
2. You can overcome most adversaries simply by having enough quarters.
3. If it moves, KILL IT!
4. Piloting any vehicle is simple and requires no training.
5. One lone "good guy" can defeat an indeterminate number of "bad guys."
A. "Bad guys" move in predictable patterns.
B. Except for "bosses," most "bad guys" can be dispatched with one hit.
C. You often fare better against a large mob of "bad guys" then against a "boss" in one on one combat.
6. "Bosses" always hire henchmen weaker then they are to do their 'muscle work'.
7. Make sure you eat all food lying on the ground. It will heal you.
8. You can smash things and get away with it.
A. Smashing things doesn't hurt.
B. Many nice things are hidden inside other things.
9. Cybernetics are our friends.
10. When driving, you can knock other vehicles off the road and get away with it.
11. If someone dies, they disappear.
12. Money is frequently found lying on the streets.
13. All shopkeepers carry high-tech weaponry.
14. If you get mad enough, you can fight even better than normal.
15. If it's on the ground, you should get it. It may be useful later.
16. Repulsive, ugly, cannabalistic, evil beings have just as much right to be loved as heroic fighters.
17. The operation of a weapon is a simple and obvious procedure.
18. You never run out of ammunition, just grenades.
19. No matter how long you fight, you can always fight again.
20. Death is reversible (but only for you!).
21. Ninjas are common, and fight in public frequently.
22. Whenever huge fat evil men are about to die, they begin flashing red or yellow.
23. When you are reborn, you drop out of the sky and are completely invincible for a short time.
24. Although the enemy always has more aircraft than you, they fly in elaborate patterns which make it easier for you to shoot them all down.
25. All martial arts women wear revealing clothes and have great bodies.
26. All martial arts men have rippling muscles and angry expressions.
27. The enemy always leaves weapons or powerups lying around for no reason other than so their bitter enemy can pick them up and defeat them with it.
28. Shoot everything. If it blows up or dies, it was evil.
29. Carpe diem! You only live three times!
30. The most powerful fighters always wait until you have acheived a near-impossible, flawless win record and/or killed a certain number of opponents before they appear in your presence and beat the crap out of you.
31. You sustain injury if you shoot innocents.
32. 1000 - 1 odds against you is NOT a problem.
33. gang members frequently all look the same, and often have the same names.
34. When racing vehicles, do not worry if your vehicle crashes and explodes. A new vehicle will appear in its place.
Things You Can Learn From Video Games
1. There is no problem that cannot be overcome by violence.
2. You can overcome most adversaries simply by having enough quarters.
3. If it moves, KILL IT!
4. Piloting any vehicle is simple and requires no training.
5. One lone "good guy" can defeat an indeterminate number of "bad guys."
A. "Bad guys" move in predictable patterns.
B. Except for "bosses," most "bad guys" can be dispatched with one hit.
C. You often fare better against a large mob of "bad guys" then against a "boss" in one on one combat.
6. "Bosses" always hire henchmen weaker then they are to do their 'muscle work'.
7. Make sure you eat all food lying on the ground. It will heal you.
8. You can smash things and get away with it.
A. Smashing things doesn't hurt.
B. Many nice things are hidden inside other things.
9. Cybernetics are our friends.
10. When driving, you can knock other vehicles off the road and get away with it.
11. If someone dies, they disappear.
12. Money is frequently found lying on the streets.
13. All shopkeepers carry high-tech weaponry.
14. If you get mad enough, you can fight even better than normal.
15. If it's on the ground, you should get it. It may be useful later.
16. Repulsive, ugly, cannabalistic, evil beings have just as much right to be loved as heroic fighters.
17. The operation of a weapon is a simple and obvious procedure.
18. You never run out of ammunition, just grenades.
19. No matter how long you fight, you can always fight again.
20. Death is reversible (but only for you!).
21. Ninjas are common, and fight in public frequently.
22. Whenever huge fat evil men are about to die, they begin flashing red or yellow.
23. When you are reborn, you drop out of the sky and are completely invincible for a short time.
24. Although the enemy always has more aircraft than you, they fly in elaborate patterns which make it easier for you to shoot them all down.
25. All martial arts women wear revealing clothes and have great bodies.
26. All martial arts men have rippling muscles and angry expressions.
27. The enemy always leaves weapons or powerups lying around for no reason other than so their bitter enemy can pick them up and defeat them with it.
28. Shoot everything. If it blows up or dies, it was evil.
29. Carpe diem! You only live three times!
30. The most powerful fighters always wait until you have acheived a near-impossible, flawless win record and/or killed a certain number of opponents before they appear in your presence and beat the crap out of you.
31. You sustain injury if you shoot innocents.
32. 1000 - 1 odds against you is NOT a problem.
33. gang members frequently all look the same, and often have the same names.
34. When racing vehicles, do not worry if your vehicle crashes and explodes. A new vehicle will appear in its place.
Theology With The Good Reverend
As I have revealed in the past, I am an ordained minister-- as such, from time to time, I feel that I should post about some of the theological questions that the Church feels it must try to answer. I hold that my view may be incorrect, however, I fully hold that the answers can't be known until we can actually ask God.
“4It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, 5who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the coming age, 6if they fall away, to be brought back to repentance, because to their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace.
7Land that drinks in the rain often falling on it and that produces a crop useful to those for whom it is farmed receives the blessing of God. 8But land that produces thorns and thistles is worthless and is in danger of being cursed. In the end it will be burned.”
-Hebrews 6:4-8
Hebrews chapter 6 contains a passage that is very controversial among Christians. Interpretation of this passage has differed greatly, and as such, has caused a great division in the Church. When interpreting any passage, one must look also at the context for which it was written, as well as what other passages say about the same subject.
The letter to the Hebrews is mainly filled with doctrine. The main point of the letter is to show Christ’s Person. The audience of this letter was Jewish Christians, and while its primary message was for them, it is still applicable as it addresses a key issue, the fact and development of one’s relationship with God. (Hebrews A Devotional Commentary)
The Author of Hebrews is unknown. There is much speculation as to who the author is, and some of those named are: Paul, Luke, Apollos, Barnabas, Philip and Priscilla. The reason the book of Hebrews was included in the Bible is that it was believed that the Apostle Paul wrote this letter, and that if he did not write the letter, then there would be a gap in his epistles, which Mr. F.W. Grant referred to as a double Pentateuch, with the first seven on developing the Christian’s position before God, and the last seven dealing with developing our shared relationship with God. The first set of epistles would be Romans, Galatians, Ephesians, Colossians (with Philemon) and Philippians. The second set of epistles include: Thessalonians, Corinthians, Hebrews, Timothy and Titus. It is important to note that Hebrews would be the third book in this “Pentateuch,” corresponding with Leviticus, which is similar to Hebrews. (Hebrews A Devotional Commentary)
It is believed that Hebrews was written sometime between AD 63 and AD 66, as it appears that the temple was still standing at the time the letter was written, but that they day was approaching.
The purpose of Hebrews was to lead Jewish Christians into a better understanding and knowledge of Christian truth. The author intended to show them that Christianity is the final and complete religion, and nothing else is to come.
This passage contains no regular verbs; they are participles, which are infinitive, implied verbs. Key words for the passage chose are as follows:
Impossible
Enlightened
Tasted
Shared
Hebrews 6:4-8 has primarily to do with the issue of salvation, more specifically, it deals with whether or not someone who has truly fallen away from God, whether saved or not, could ever become saved. This passage indicates that if someone truly does fall away from God, they can not be brought back to repentance. When trying to figure out just which group of people, saved or unsaved, the passage is referring to, it is required that the language used, as well as previous scripture, be used in interpreting the meaning of this passage.
“It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened . . . if they fall away, to be brought back to repentance . . .” The sentence was shortened after the first comma to show how it would read without the examples of what they have been through. Looking at just this sentence, it is important to note that it merely says enlightened. The passage does not give a clear, irrefutable, unequivocal term that is usually used to describe salvation. It does not read it is impossible for those who have been saved by grace. Nor does it use such words as justification, sanctification, new birth, regeneration, new creature, or in Christ, or other such terminology. It merely states that they are enlightened, which means that they are aware of the existence of Christ. The description is not of an ordinary person who is aware of Christ, but of someone who has had high spiritual experiences, but still falls away. This passage refers to people who have deliberately refused to rely on the sacrifice of Christ; it is a state of a willful renouncing of Jesus’ atoning work.
“. . . who have tasted the heavenly gift . . .” Note here that the word used is “tasted,” it does not say that they drank of the heavenly gift. It is possible to taste something, and not drink it. This does not conclusively mean that because they tasted, they are saved.
“. . . who have shared in the Holy Spirit . . .” At first glance, it is almost conclusive that the people being referred to in this passage are Christians. There are ministries of the Spirit other than that of indwelling. It is possible to share in the spirit by responding for a time to His drawing power, power used in the intent of leading one ultimately to Christ. The word “shared” implies something done in company with others. It is also significant to note that it does not state that they were “indwelt” by the Holy Spirit.
“. . . 5who have tasted the goodness of the word of God . . .” They heard the word of God, and responded to it, but failed to combine it with faith, and thus did not enter into salvation.
“. . . and the powers of the coming age . . .” This refers to the miracles performed by Jesus during his time on earth. It is also indicative of what happened during the time of the exodus from Egypt, as well as what is to come, where people will see these miracles and still refuse to come to repentance.
“. . . then have fallen away . . .” From the context of the rest of Hebrews, those who fall away are not genuine believers. 1 John 2:19, “They went out from us, but they did not really belong to us. For if they had belonged to us, they would have remained with us; but their going showed that none of them belonged to us.” When trying to figure out how one could have expierianced all of the evidence for God and not have embraced salvation in Christ, one needs only look at the example of Judas. Everything discussed thus far about the passage was part of Judas’ experience, but he never actually became saved. Jesus himself called Judas “devil” in John 6:70, “Then Jesus replied, ‘Have I not chosen you, the Twelve? Yet one of you is a devil!’” Jesus knew Judas’ condition from the beginning, though he managed to fool the other disciples to the last.
“. . . it is impossible . . .” This one pretty much speaks for itself. Hebrews 12:16-17 gives a good example. “See that no one is sexually immoral, or is godless like Esau, who for a single meal sold his inheritance rights as the oldest son. 17Afterward, as you know, when he wanted to inherit this blessing, he was rejected. He could bring about no change of mind, though he sought the blessing with tears. Esau couldn’t repent, because his heart was too hard. All the while he wanted things to go better, he still refused to submit to God’s terms. The more you reject the teachings of the gospel, the more you become immune to it.
“. . . to renew them again . . .” it is the opportunity for receiving salvation, not salvation itself that can be lost. 2 Thessalonians 2:11, “For this reason God sends them a powerful delusion so that they will believe the lie 12and so that all will be condemned who have not believed the truth but have delighted in wickedness.”
“. . . to repentance . . .” the author fears that there are those in his audience whom are participating in the church, witnessing for him, but still haven’t repented. Because they have turned from the light, they are enemies of, not members of, the people of God.
“. . . because to their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace.” To crucify Jesus again would mean that the person continuously and maliciously spurns Christ, not just careless disregard. It is significant to note that it is in present tense, which means that those who have fallen away are actively and continually crucify/subject to disgrace, the Messiah.
“Land that drinks in the rain often falling on it. . .” This first bit describes both lands used in the second part of the passage, but two different outcomes are given.
“. . . and that produces a crop useful to those for whom it is farmed receives the blessing of God.” The rain comes first; the land does not produce the crop by itself. Similarly, we can not produce good works without God.
“But land that produces thorns and thistles . . .” Fruitfulness is a test of the genuine nature of a plant/tree. The rain that falls from heaven is corresponds to the word of God, and if the land produces fruit then it is seen as good land. If however, it produces thorns and thistles, or becomes barren, then the land is bad, and nothing of benefit will grow there.
“. . . is worthless and is in danger of being cursed.” The land does not withstand God’s test. No where in the other uses of this type of wording does it refer to a believer, and in Titus 1:16, it describes someone who does not have eternal life.
“In the end it will be burned.” There are some who believe that this process of burning is for purifying purposes, however, this would not fit with the rest of the passage. The type of burning here is more in tune with the idea of eternal destruction. Eternal Destruction being the fate for all who are not saved.
Other passages that deal with the subject of eternal security:
Romans 8:35-39: “35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written:
"For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Everything about this passage suggests that there is nothing that can separate you from Christ once you are in his care.
Other New Testament passages are Jude 24, 25, Ephesians 1:3-4, 1 John 2:19, 1 Peter 1:5, Philippians 1:6, 2:13, 1 Corinthians 1:8-9, 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24, Ezekiel 11:19, 36:27.
“4It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, 5who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the coming age, 6if they fall away, to be brought back to repentance, because to their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace.
7Land that drinks in the rain often falling on it and that produces a crop useful to those for whom it is farmed receives the blessing of God. 8But land that produces thorns and thistles is worthless and is in danger of being cursed. In the end it will be burned.”
-Hebrews 6:4-8
Hebrews chapter 6 contains a passage that is very controversial among Christians. Interpretation of this passage has differed greatly, and as such, has caused a great division in the Church. When interpreting any passage, one must look also at the context for which it was written, as well as what other passages say about the same subject.
The letter to the Hebrews is mainly filled with doctrine. The main point of the letter is to show Christ’s Person. The audience of this letter was Jewish Christians, and while its primary message was for them, it is still applicable as it addresses a key issue, the fact and development of one’s relationship with God. (Hebrews A Devotional Commentary)
The Author of Hebrews is unknown. There is much speculation as to who the author is, and some of those named are: Paul, Luke, Apollos, Barnabas, Philip and Priscilla. The reason the book of Hebrews was included in the Bible is that it was believed that the Apostle Paul wrote this letter, and that if he did not write the letter, then there would be a gap in his epistles, which Mr. F.W. Grant referred to as a double Pentateuch, with the first seven on developing the Christian’s position before God, and the last seven dealing with developing our shared relationship with God. The first set of epistles would be Romans, Galatians, Ephesians, Colossians (with Philemon) and Philippians. The second set of epistles include: Thessalonians, Corinthians, Hebrews, Timothy and Titus. It is important to note that Hebrews would be the third book in this “Pentateuch,” corresponding with Leviticus, which is similar to Hebrews. (Hebrews A Devotional Commentary)
It is believed that Hebrews was written sometime between AD 63 and AD 66, as it appears that the temple was still standing at the time the letter was written, but that they day was approaching.
The purpose of Hebrews was to lead Jewish Christians into a better understanding and knowledge of Christian truth. The author intended to show them that Christianity is the final and complete religion, and nothing else is to come.
This passage contains no regular verbs; they are participles, which are infinitive, implied verbs. Key words for the passage chose are as follows:
Impossible
Enlightened
Tasted
Shared
Hebrews 6:4-8 has primarily to do with the issue of salvation, more specifically, it deals with whether or not someone who has truly fallen away from God, whether saved or not, could ever become saved. This passage indicates that if someone truly does fall away from God, they can not be brought back to repentance. When trying to figure out just which group of people, saved or unsaved, the passage is referring to, it is required that the language used, as well as previous scripture, be used in interpreting the meaning of this passage.
“It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened . . . if they fall away, to be brought back to repentance . . .” The sentence was shortened after the first comma to show how it would read without the examples of what they have been through. Looking at just this sentence, it is important to note that it merely says enlightened. The passage does not give a clear, irrefutable, unequivocal term that is usually used to describe salvation. It does not read it is impossible for those who have been saved by grace. Nor does it use such words as justification, sanctification, new birth, regeneration, new creature, or in Christ, or other such terminology. It merely states that they are enlightened, which means that they are aware of the existence of Christ. The description is not of an ordinary person who is aware of Christ, but of someone who has had high spiritual experiences, but still falls away. This passage refers to people who have deliberately refused to rely on the sacrifice of Christ; it is a state of a willful renouncing of Jesus’ atoning work.
“. . . who have tasted the heavenly gift . . .” Note here that the word used is “tasted,” it does not say that they drank of the heavenly gift. It is possible to taste something, and not drink it. This does not conclusively mean that because they tasted, they are saved.
“. . . who have shared in the Holy Spirit . . .” At first glance, it is almost conclusive that the people being referred to in this passage are Christians. There are ministries of the Spirit other than that of indwelling. It is possible to share in the spirit by responding for a time to His drawing power, power used in the intent of leading one ultimately to Christ. The word “shared” implies something done in company with others. It is also significant to note that it does not state that they were “indwelt” by the Holy Spirit.
“. . . 5who have tasted the goodness of the word of God . . .” They heard the word of God, and responded to it, but failed to combine it with faith, and thus did not enter into salvation.
“. . . and the powers of the coming age . . .” This refers to the miracles performed by Jesus during his time on earth. It is also indicative of what happened during the time of the exodus from Egypt, as well as what is to come, where people will see these miracles and still refuse to come to repentance.
“. . . then have fallen away . . .” From the context of the rest of Hebrews, those who fall away are not genuine believers. 1 John 2:19, “They went out from us, but they did not really belong to us. For if they had belonged to us, they would have remained with us; but their going showed that none of them belonged to us.” When trying to figure out how one could have expierianced all of the evidence for God and not have embraced salvation in Christ, one needs only look at the example of Judas. Everything discussed thus far about the passage was part of Judas’ experience, but he never actually became saved. Jesus himself called Judas “devil” in John 6:70, “Then Jesus replied, ‘Have I not chosen you, the Twelve? Yet one of you is a devil!’” Jesus knew Judas’ condition from the beginning, though he managed to fool the other disciples to the last.
“. . . it is impossible . . .” This one pretty much speaks for itself. Hebrews 12:16-17 gives a good example. “See that no one is sexually immoral, or is godless like Esau, who for a single meal sold his inheritance rights as the oldest son. 17Afterward, as you know, when he wanted to inherit this blessing, he was rejected. He could bring about no change of mind, though he sought the blessing with tears. Esau couldn’t repent, because his heart was too hard. All the while he wanted things to go better, he still refused to submit to God’s terms. The more you reject the teachings of the gospel, the more you become immune to it.
“. . . to renew them again . . .” it is the opportunity for receiving salvation, not salvation itself that can be lost. 2 Thessalonians 2:11, “For this reason God sends them a powerful delusion so that they will believe the lie 12and so that all will be condemned who have not believed the truth but have delighted in wickedness.”
“. . . to repentance . . .” the author fears that there are those in his audience whom are participating in the church, witnessing for him, but still haven’t repented. Because they have turned from the light, they are enemies of, not members of, the people of God.
“. . . because to their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace.” To crucify Jesus again would mean that the person continuously and maliciously spurns Christ, not just careless disregard. It is significant to note that it is in present tense, which means that those who have fallen away are actively and continually crucify/subject to disgrace, the Messiah.
“Land that drinks in the rain often falling on it. . .” This first bit describes both lands used in the second part of the passage, but two different outcomes are given.
“. . . and that produces a crop useful to those for whom it is farmed receives the blessing of God.” The rain comes first; the land does not produce the crop by itself. Similarly, we can not produce good works without God.
“But land that produces thorns and thistles . . .” Fruitfulness is a test of the genuine nature of a plant/tree. The rain that falls from heaven is corresponds to the word of God, and if the land produces fruit then it is seen as good land. If however, it produces thorns and thistles, or becomes barren, then the land is bad, and nothing of benefit will grow there.
“. . . is worthless and is in danger of being cursed.” The land does not withstand God’s test. No where in the other uses of this type of wording does it refer to a believer, and in Titus 1:16, it describes someone who does not have eternal life.
“In the end it will be burned.” There are some who believe that this process of burning is for purifying purposes, however, this would not fit with the rest of the passage. The type of burning here is more in tune with the idea of eternal destruction. Eternal Destruction being the fate for all who are not saved.
Other passages that deal with the subject of eternal security:
Romans 8:35-39: “35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written:
"For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Everything about this passage suggests that there is nothing that can separate you from Christ once you are in his care.
Other New Testament passages are Jude 24, 25, Ephesians 1:3-4, 1 John 2:19, 1 Peter 1:5, Philippians 1:6, 2:13, 1 Corinthians 1:8-9, 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24, Ezekiel 11:19, 36:27.
20050901
I Was Saving it for a Special Night
Well, I finally got some spurs to go with my cowboy boots. They're pretty nice, and they have jinglebobs on them. I was asked to work some extra hours today, and I ended up working a twelve hour shift. I now know for what it was that I was saving my 5th of Jack. I'm going to go partake of it now. Perhap I'll post a little later, but I doubt it.
update-- turns out a Jack Daniels doesn't shatter with a nice sound if its full when you shoot it.
update-- turns out a Jack Daniels doesn't shatter with a nice sound if its full when you shoot it.
20050830
Male and Female Relationships pt. II
We had just finished our dinner at Wendy's, and were on our way back in to work, when I decided to just be direct.
Me: So, how many times do I have to tell you that I'm interested in you before you do something about it?
after blushing and trying to start a couple times she give's her reply: Well . . . I'm sorta seeing someone right now.
Me: Well, I don't see a ring, so you can't be married, are you engaged?
her: basically, we like eachother.
Me: So what you're saying, is to try harder? I'll keep that in mind.
Me: So, how many times do I have to tell you that I'm interested in you before you do something about it?
after blushing and trying to start a couple times she give's her reply: Well . . . I'm sorta seeing someone right now.
Me: Well, I don't see a ring, so you can't be married, are you engaged?
her: basically, we like eachother.
Me: So what you're saying, is to try harder? I'll keep that in mind.
20050828
A Monkey Post
Monkeys Prefer Gambling Risk To Sure Reward
DURHAM, N.C. -- Duke University Medical Center neurobiologists have pinpointed circuitry in the brains of monkeys that assesses the level of risk in a given action. Their findings -- gained from experiments in which they gave the monkeys a chance to gamble to receive juice rewards -- could give insights into why humans compulsively engage in risky behaviors, including gambling, unsafe sex, drug use and overeating.
The researchers, Michael Platt, Ph.D., and Allison McCoy, published their findings in the advanced online version of Nature Neuroscience, posted August 14, 2005. The research was sponsored by the National Institutes of Health, the EJLB Foundation, and the Klingenstein Foundation.
In their experiments, the researchers gave two male rhesus macaque monkeys chances to choose to look at either of two target lights on a screen. Looking at the "safe" target light yielded the same fruit juice reward each time. However, looking at the "risky" target light might yield a larger or smaller juice reward. The average juice reward delivered by looking at either target was the same.
To their surprise, the monkeys overwhelmingly preferred to gamble by looking at the risky target. This preference held, regardless of whether the scientists made the risky target reward more
variable, or whether the monkeys had received more or less fruit juice during the course of the day.
----
Next, we'll be teaching them how to be dealer for Texas Hold 'em . . .
DURHAM, N.C. -- Duke University Medical Center neurobiologists have pinpointed circuitry in the brains of monkeys that assesses the level of risk in a given action. Their findings -- gained from experiments in which they gave the monkeys a chance to gamble to receive juice rewards -- could give insights into why humans compulsively engage in risky behaviors, including gambling, unsafe sex, drug use and overeating.
The researchers, Michael Platt, Ph.D., and Allison McCoy, published their findings in the advanced online version of Nature Neuroscience, posted August 14, 2005. The research was sponsored by the National Institutes of Health, the EJLB Foundation, and the Klingenstein Foundation.
In their experiments, the researchers gave two male rhesus macaque monkeys chances to choose to look at either of two target lights on a screen. Looking at the "safe" target light yielded the same fruit juice reward each time. However, looking at the "risky" target light might yield a larger or smaller juice reward. The average juice reward delivered by looking at either target was the same.
To their surprise, the monkeys overwhelmingly preferred to gamble by looking at the risky target. This preference held, regardless of whether the scientists made the risky target reward more
variable, or whether the monkeys had received more or less fruit juice during the course of the day.
----
Next, we'll be teaching them how to be dealer for Texas Hold 'em . . .
20050826
Google's Instant Messenger
So google finally got an instant messenger, Google Talk. I've been using their email for a while, and I really like it, so I'm expecting great things from it as well. my username on google talk is andrew.custoshonor
20050825
Male and Female Relationships
okay, so I've been talking with a girl at work, she's pretty cute. Here's a dialog she and I had when I went through her line.
As I walk by in the lane behind hers register, her: "What's wrong?"
Me: "There's no candy on this lane, I want a Reese's Big Cup."
Her: "Well, you shouldn't have one, candy's bad for you."
In response, I go and get sixteen Reese's Big Cups (a whole box) and then return to her checkout lane.
Her: "Why do you always come through my lane?"
Me: "We've had this conversation before, don't you remember?"
Her: "We did? I guess I forgot."
Me: "Well, shall I tell you again?"
Her: "Yeah, I want to know."
Me, with a straight face: I always come through your line because I secretly have a crush on you, and I'm hoping that you'll notice."
She then starts blushing, and says, "okay."
As I walk by in the lane behind hers register, her: "What's wrong?"
Me: "There's no candy on this lane, I want a Reese's Big Cup."
Her: "Well, you shouldn't have one, candy's bad for you."
In response, I go and get sixteen Reese's Big Cups (a whole box) and then return to her checkout lane.
Her: "Why do you always come through my lane?"
Me: "We've had this conversation before, don't you remember?"
Her: "We did? I guess I forgot."
Me: "Well, shall I tell you again?"
Her: "Yeah, I want to know."
Me, with a straight face: I always come through your line because I secretly have a crush on you, and I'm hoping that you'll notice."
She then starts blushing, and says, "okay."
20050823
Saying Goodbye
Jimmy Wayne-- Stay Gone
I don't like saying goodbye, and actually, the only time I say those actual words, are when I intend on never seeing someone again. I don't like saying goodbye to anyone, but its especially hard when its someone I consider a friend.
I don't like saying goodbye, and actually, the only time I say those actual words, are when I intend on never seeing someone again. I don't like saying goodbye to anyone, but its especially hard when its someone I consider a friend.
20050820
Classes
Well, it looks like instead of taking classes this semester, I'll be taking a year off. I haven't been able to register for classes thus far, and if I don't get into them this semester, then I would have to wait until spring semester, however, the police academy runs from january- december, and one of the classes are only offered in the summer and fall terms.
This means that I won't be covered by my parent's health insurance, I'll have to get a second job because my parent's aren't going to help me with rent if I'm not in college, and my school loans will become due, though I should be able to differ them.
Altogether it looks like its going to be a fun year . . .
This means that I won't be covered by my parent's health insurance, I'll have to get a second job because my parent's aren't going to help me with rent if I'm not in college, and my school loans will become due, though I should be able to differ them.
Altogether it looks like its going to be a fun year . . .
20050815
I don't update my blog as often as I might. This is mainly due to the fact that I feel that if I don't have anything I feel is worth saying, then why should I say anything at all? If I don't think its important, then why waste my time and yours by writing it down for everyone to read? So obviously, I have something that I feel I should write about.
As I've watched other members of my generation, I see that a number of my friends have families that they are kind of detached from. To me, they seem more like unwanted visitors in their houses, rather than family. Yes, we jest by saying things like, "Friend's welcome, family by appointment," but the sad thing is, too often I see that that's truly how people feel. It's understandable that when you live a good distance away from the rest of your family, that you aren't going to see them as often, and that to some degree, your going to grow into your seperate lives. But the desire should be that you remain close with your family, because they are all you truly have on this earth. Friends come and go, as do boyfriends and girlfriends, sometimes we even lose the people we've married. But you should be able to count on your family, your brothers and sisters, cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents, you should be able to count on them in times of need. If you don't feel that way, if you don't think that your family loves you, then there's something wrong, and you need to go and make things right and let nothing stop you from accomplishing that goal.
If your mother, father, brother(s) and sister(s), aren't the people you can go to for advice, or when the world turns its back on you, then my heart goes out for you, and I hope that you and your family make things right as soon as possible. If anything, my relationship with my mom and dad has improved since I've moved out. I talk to my mom atleast once or twice a week, and usually more than that. A number of times, I needed advice on how to handle a situation, but usually, we'd talk about nothing important, the important thing is that we talked.
I'll probably write some more about Michael later this week, but for now, I had this weighing on my heart, and thought I should write about it instead.
As I've watched other members of my generation, I see that a number of my friends have families that they are kind of detached from. To me, they seem more like unwanted visitors in their houses, rather than family. Yes, we jest by saying things like, "Friend's welcome, family by appointment," but the sad thing is, too often I see that that's truly how people feel. It's understandable that when you live a good distance away from the rest of your family, that you aren't going to see them as often, and that to some degree, your going to grow into your seperate lives. But the desire should be that you remain close with your family, because they are all you truly have on this earth. Friends come and go, as do boyfriends and girlfriends, sometimes we even lose the people we've married. But you should be able to count on your family, your brothers and sisters, cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents, you should be able to count on them in times of need. If you don't feel that way, if you don't think that your family loves you, then there's something wrong, and you need to go and make things right and let nothing stop you from accomplishing that goal.
If your mother, father, brother(s) and sister(s), aren't the people you can go to for advice, or when the world turns its back on you, then my heart goes out for you, and I hope that you and your family make things right as soon as possible. If anything, my relationship with my mom and dad has improved since I've moved out. I talk to my mom atleast once or twice a week, and usually more than that. A number of times, I needed advice on how to handle a situation, but usually, we'd talk about nothing important, the important thing is that we talked.
I'll probably write some more about Michael later this week, but for now, I had this weighing on my heart, and thought I should write about it instead.
20050813
20050812
work fun vol. 3
here's another fun game you can play at work. It's a bit more involved than the last two. You'll remember a game called Kung Fu Master. Well, this is Kung Fu Remix. Check it out, see if you can save the girl.
20050809
Madame Ellen's Horrorscopes
again the link is here
LEO (July 23-August 22)
This month you can do anything you put your mind to, especially if it involves sitting on the couch and eating an entire can of spray cheese.
VIRGO (August 23-September 22)
The stars align and their message strikes me with the clarity of a thousand voices: "Change your socks!"
LIBRA (September 23-October 21)
"Diego, donde están mis platános?" This Spanish phrase may not seem important now, but soon its relevance will be frighteningly clear.
SCORPIO (October 23-November 21)
This is the month to sweep that special someone off their feet. Slippery floor wax makes it a lot easier.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21)
If you got a nickel for every time you "borrowed" a confectionary equipment truck in order to set up a pudding factory in the Philippines, you would be getting a nickel pretty soon.
CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19)
You love catching crawdads, but I hate it, so no horoscope for you.
AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18)
Wonder why you’re so in love right now? The stars are wondering the same thing.
PISCES (February 19-March 20)
Hard work and perseverance are the only ways to accomplish anything. That and trained ninjas.
ARIES (March 21-April 19)
This month, I love cup cakes. How that will pertain to your future, I can only guess.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
"El diablito" is Spanish for "little devil." But I don’t have to tell you that.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21)
Try to set a good example this week. Remember, people look up to you. Or up at you. Behemoth!
CANCER (June 22-July 22)
Always be careful in matters of love. No one knows when love’s gentle flower will turn out to be an evil poisonous mutant plant from space.
LEO (July 23-August 22)
This month you can do anything you put your mind to, especially if it involves sitting on the couch and eating an entire can of spray cheese.
VIRGO (August 23-September 22)
The stars align and their message strikes me with the clarity of a thousand voices: "Change your socks!"
LIBRA (September 23-October 21)
"Diego, donde están mis platános?" This Spanish phrase may not seem important now, but soon its relevance will be frighteningly clear.
SCORPIO (October 23-November 21)
This is the month to sweep that special someone off their feet. Slippery floor wax makes it a lot easier.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21)
If you got a nickel for every time you "borrowed" a confectionary equipment truck in order to set up a pudding factory in the Philippines, you would be getting a nickel pretty soon.
CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19)
You love catching crawdads, but I hate it, so no horoscope for you.
AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18)
Wonder why you’re so in love right now? The stars are wondering the same thing.
PISCES (February 19-March 20)
Hard work and perseverance are the only ways to accomplish anything. That and trained ninjas.
ARIES (March 21-April 19)
This month, I love cup cakes. How that will pertain to your future, I can only guess.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
"El diablito" is Spanish for "little devil." But I don’t have to tell you that.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21)
Try to set a good example this week. Remember, people look up to you. Or up at you. Behemoth!
CANCER (June 22-July 22)
Always be careful in matters of love. No one knows when love’s gentle flower will turn out to be an evil poisonous mutant plant from space.
20050808
More stuff to help pass the time at work
Okay, so I came accross this: the Kitty Cannon.
What's your highest score? I managed to get 963 feet. I don't know how people get above 2,000 but I think its largely based on luck . . .
What's your highest score? I managed to get 963 feet. I don't know how people get above 2,000 but I think its largely based on luck . . .
20050803
Not All Myths Are Fantasy
It was about nine o’ clock on an autumn night when Michael and Michele finished watching The Order. It was about time for Michael to leave, to go back home, but neither really wanted to say goodbye just yet. Michael loved the country, and he loved to spend time with his friend Michele. They had a good friendship, despite the fact that society dictates that a guy and a girl can’t be just good friends. For Michael, he hadn’t let his mind wander down that particular path. To him it wasn’t much of an issue, it isn’t right for a guy to date one of his friend’s ex-girlfriends, and even if he had been interested, in his heart, he knew that it was too soon after the ending of their relationship to give it any real consideration. No, Michael was happy to just be Michele’s friend, even if her other friends didn’t really see it that way, because Michael didn’t have too many friends. He had only just recently come to the realization that life’s difficulties are much easier to get through with the support of friends.
The night was relatively young yet, at least it was for Michael, because he was usually up until three or four in the morning reading or playing video games. Michele usually tried to go to bed before midnight, but Michael couldn’t visit very often due to the large distance between where they both lived, and so she was willing to go without a few hours rest if it meant that they could hang out and have fun. So they decided that they would go for a walk, even though the sun had gone down a few hours previously, and it was a dark night.
“I’ll grab the flashlights, you go ahead and get your shoes on,” Michele said. “The roads out here aren’t well lit, so its pretty dark outside.”
“We don’t really need any flashlights,” Michael replied. “Besides, I prefer to use night vision to see in the dark anyway.”
Michele figured they’d be alright without the flashlights, and Michael decided to bring his cell phone just in case they did get into some kind of trouble. They put on their shoes and walked out of the apartment complex. Michael took a deep breath, enjoying the country air, something he could appreciate due to living in the city. He then poked Michele affectionately in the side and pulled the hair band our of her hair, causing it to fall out of the pony tail she had pulled it back into. He then trapped the hair band in his hand by closing his hand around it. Michele immediately tried to get the hair band back, grabbing a hold of his hand.
“Aw, how sweet of you, wanting to hold my hand,” Michael teased. Michele immediately let go, insisting that she only wanted to get her hair band back.
“oh, you know it its really because you can’t resist my charming and sexy self,” he teased again.
“Yeah, I just can’t seem to keep my hands off of you,” Michele replied sarcastically. It was part of a game they played often. They would flirt with each other, both understanding that it was all in good fun, though they had played it down a bit around her roommates and friends, because they were getting the wrong ideas about his intentions.
They crossed the street, and headed down another road that seemed darker than the others, but it was the back way onto a local play ground. Unlike in the city, trees in this area were plentiful, and they made the road they were on even darker.
After progressing a little ways, Michael noticed that night vision wasn’t very effective if there wasn’t enough light for him to see by. So he opened his cell phone with the idea of using it like a flashlight.
“Hmm,” Michael said. “Now I understand what it meant.”
“Understand what what meant?” Michele asked.
“Well, in a book I was reading, one of the character’s has a magic staff with a crystal ball that lights up on it, which they use when in dark caves or at night, but the author always described it as making seem darker, rather than lighting the area effectively,” Michael answered. “I never quite understood how that could be the case until just now, as I’m trying to use my cell phone to light the way.”
“Maybe its because the light isn’t strong enough to light this area, but its enough to make your eyes focus on it, thus making the darkness more apparent to you,” Michele suggested.
“You could be on to something there,” Michael replied. They continued to walk down the road, talking about anything that came to mind, when Michael suddenly stopped.
“What is it?” Michele asked.
“I thought I heard something,” Michael answered.
They both stood quietly, listening. Michael held the cell phone up again, having already forgotten that it made the darkness seem worse, rather than helping. As he gazed around, he though he saw something move. Feeling somewhat freaked out, they both took off running back the way they had come, only stopping when they got to a well lit area.
“I don’t think there was anything there, but I could have sworn I saw movement,” Michael informed Michele.
“I didn’t get too freaked out until you said you thought you heard something,” Michele told him.
Having decided it was nothing, they decided to head back down the road again, as they walked, Michael told her about a similar event that happened in his childhood.
“When I was about five or six,” Michael started, “My mom had sent me to the local Boy’s Club of America, as being a single mom, she couldn’t come get me right after school. Well, during one summer, they Boy’s Club and the Girl’s Club had a sort of summer camp where they would go to a camp ground during the day, and then head back home a little later. It was here that I met my childhood girlfriend, indeed, she was the first girl other than my mom that I kissed, and I kissed her on the lips. Well, one of the traditions was for the older boys to take the younger kids to a really wooded area, and make up a story about a hermit that lived at the top of a hill, who would kill people. The goal was to get as close as you could to his house before he noticed you, and then run back down the hill and draw a circle in the dirt, and get inside the circle. If you drew a circle in the dirt and were inside of it, you’d be safe.”
“Well, one time I went, my girlfriend Amanda came with me, and she stayed at the bottom of the hill while I went up to the top. After a certain amount of time, some said that the guy had seen them, and so we all ran back down the hill to draw our circles. Amanda had drawn a heart, and told me to come stand with her inside of it, which I of course did. I still sort of miss her.”
“That’s kind of sweet,” Michele replied.
It was about this time, that they came to a corn field, having passed the back entrance to the playground. They had stopped speaking for the moment, and they both heard a slight rustling near where they were standing in the corn. Michele jumped, which in turn cause Michael to jump as well.
“I don’t think we should hang out here any longer,” Michele said.
“Hmm, part of me thinks it’s just nothing but a little animal,” Michael told her. “However, as I recall, in scary movies, the jock usually ends up getting killed because he thinks that the evil scary homicidal thing that made the noise that the girl heard was only the cat that came running into view from where the noise came. So I’m kind of torn as to what to do.”
They both heard the noise again, this time a little stronger, and this time, Michele immediately grabbed onto Michael’s hand. They both took off running, this time Michael stayed back a pace from Michele as they raced the full way back to the area where they first crossed. They then proceeded back to Michael’s car. It was a silver 1990 Ford Probe GT, turbo charged. He like it okay, mostly because of the turbo charger, but what he really wanted was a truck. He and Michele hugged, knowing it was close to time for him to leave, both still wishing to delay the actual moment of departure. Michael leaned back and sat against the edge of his car, holding her hands in his, this time she didn’t pull her hands away
“You know, I couldn’t help but notice how you grabbed my hand when you got spooked,” Michael half teased.
“Yeah, I’m not sure why I did that either,” Michele told him. “I guess I feel safe when your around, that if it came down to it, you’d do your best to keep me safe.”
Michael was touched, no one had said anything like that to him before. They talked for another hour or two, and by the time Michael hugged Michele for the last time, and then got into the car and left, it was close to two in the morning.
The night was relatively young yet, at least it was for Michael, because he was usually up until three or four in the morning reading or playing video games. Michele usually tried to go to bed before midnight, but Michael couldn’t visit very often due to the large distance between where they both lived, and so she was willing to go without a few hours rest if it meant that they could hang out and have fun. So they decided that they would go for a walk, even though the sun had gone down a few hours previously, and it was a dark night.
“I’ll grab the flashlights, you go ahead and get your shoes on,” Michele said. “The roads out here aren’t well lit, so its pretty dark outside.”
“We don’t really need any flashlights,” Michael replied. “Besides, I prefer to use night vision to see in the dark anyway.”
Michele figured they’d be alright without the flashlights, and Michael decided to bring his cell phone just in case they did get into some kind of trouble. They put on their shoes and walked out of the apartment complex. Michael took a deep breath, enjoying the country air, something he could appreciate due to living in the city. He then poked Michele affectionately in the side and pulled the hair band our of her hair, causing it to fall out of the pony tail she had pulled it back into. He then trapped the hair band in his hand by closing his hand around it. Michele immediately tried to get the hair band back, grabbing a hold of his hand.
“Aw, how sweet of you, wanting to hold my hand,” Michael teased. Michele immediately let go, insisting that she only wanted to get her hair band back.
“oh, you know it its really because you can’t resist my charming and sexy self,” he teased again.
“Yeah, I just can’t seem to keep my hands off of you,” Michele replied sarcastically. It was part of a game they played often. They would flirt with each other, both understanding that it was all in good fun, though they had played it down a bit around her roommates and friends, because they were getting the wrong ideas about his intentions.
They crossed the street, and headed down another road that seemed darker than the others, but it was the back way onto a local play ground. Unlike in the city, trees in this area were plentiful, and they made the road they were on even darker.
After progressing a little ways, Michael noticed that night vision wasn’t very effective if there wasn’t enough light for him to see by. So he opened his cell phone with the idea of using it like a flashlight.
“Hmm,” Michael said. “Now I understand what it meant.”
“Understand what what meant?” Michele asked.
“Well, in a book I was reading, one of the character’s has a magic staff with a crystal ball that lights up on it, which they use when in dark caves or at night, but the author always described it as making seem darker, rather than lighting the area effectively,” Michael answered. “I never quite understood how that could be the case until just now, as I’m trying to use my cell phone to light the way.”
“Maybe its because the light isn’t strong enough to light this area, but its enough to make your eyes focus on it, thus making the darkness more apparent to you,” Michele suggested.
“You could be on to something there,” Michael replied. They continued to walk down the road, talking about anything that came to mind, when Michael suddenly stopped.
“What is it?” Michele asked.
“I thought I heard something,” Michael answered.
They both stood quietly, listening. Michael held the cell phone up again, having already forgotten that it made the darkness seem worse, rather than helping. As he gazed around, he though he saw something move. Feeling somewhat freaked out, they both took off running back the way they had come, only stopping when they got to a well lit area.
“I don’t think there was anything there, but I could have sworn I saw movement,” Michael informed Michele.
“I didn’t get too freaked out until you said you thought you heard something,” Michele told him.
Having decided it was nothing, they decided to head back down the road again, as they walked, Michael told her about a similar event that happened in his childhood.
“When I was about five or six,” Michael started, “My mom had sent me to the local Boy’s Club of America, as being a single mom, she couldn’t come get me right after school. Well, during one summer, they Boy’s Club and the Girl’s Club had a sort of summer camp where they would go to a camp ground during the day, and then head back home a little later. It was here that I met my childhood girlfriend, indeed, she was the first girl other than my mom that I kissed, and I kissed her on the lips. Well, one of the traditions was for the older boys to take the younger kids to a really wooded area, and make up a story about a hermit that lived at the top of a hill, who would kill people. The goal was to get as close as you could to his house before he noticed you, and then run back down the hill and draw a circle in the dirt, and get inside the circle. If you drew a circle in the dirt and were inside of it, you’d be safe.”
“Well, one time I went, my girlfriend Amanda came with me, and she stayed at the bottom of the hill while I went up to the top. After a certain amount of time, some said that the guy had seen them, and so we all ran back down the hill to draw our circles. Amanda had drawn a heart, and told me to come stand with her inside of it, which I of course did. I still sort of miss her.”
“That’s kind of sweet,” Michele replied.
It was about this time, that they came to a corn field, having passed the back entrance to the playground. They had stopped speaking for the moment, and they both heard a slight rustling near where they were standing in the corn. Michele jumped, which in turn cause Michael to jump as well.
“I don’t think we should hang out here any longer,” Michele said.
“Hmm, part of me thinks it’s just nothing but a little animal,” Michael told her. “However, as I recall, in scary movies, the jock usually ends up getting killed because he thinks that the evil scary homicidal thing that made the noise that the girl heard was only the cat that came running into view from where the noise came. So I’m kind of torn as to what to do.”
They both heard the noise again, this time a little stronger, and this time, Michele immediately grabbed onto Michael’s hand. They both took off running, this time Michael stayed back a pace from Michele as they raced the full way back to the area where they first crossed. They then proceeded back to Michael’s car. It was a silver 1990 Ford Probe GT, turbo charged. He like it okay, mostly because of the turbo charger, but what he really wanted was a truck. He and Michele hugged, knowing it was close to time for him to leave, both still wishing to delay the actual moment of departure. Michael leaned back and sat against the edge of his car, holding her hands in his, this time she didn’t pull her hands away
“You know, I couldn’t help but notice how you grabbed my hand when you got spooked,” Michael half teased.
“Yeah, I’m not sure why I did that either,” Michele told him. “I guess I feel safe when your around, that if it came down to it, you’d do your best to keep me safe.”
Michael was touched, no one had said anything like that to him before. They talked for another hour or two, and by the time Michael hugged Michele for the last time, and then got into the car and left, it was close to two in the morning.
20050731
How Much of a Geek are you?
| The Deviant Geek You answered 83% of the questions as a geek truly would. |
| You're a geek and you know it. You've got all sorts of fringe hobbies and socially unacceptable tendencies. Chances are, whenever possible, you hate to be grouped with other people and sometimes go out of your way just to be different. You're smart too. You're more willing to depend on your own brainpower to solve problems, instead of relying on others to pull you through life. You probably read a lot, and generally enjoy learning new things. So what's it all mean? You may be considered by some to be uncool, but you probably don't care either. In social situations you may be either slightly passive or slightly loud (geeks always fall into the extremes). In a nutshell, you answered enough questions correctly supporting a geek philosophy to be considered a more potent geek than 60% of the population. |
 |
My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
|
| Link: The True Geek Test written by ambientred on Ok Cupid |
20050730
They Made One For Guys Too
In response to Sissy's He-mote, I went and found this: The She-mote.
Later editions will include settings for type of sexual encounter, changing the hair color, as well as picture in picture, for when you just can't miss the game . . .
Later editions will include settings for type of sexual encounter, changing the hair color, as well as picture in picture, for when you just can't miss the game . . .
20050728
Well since we're taking tests here
I am 70% Promiscuous.
I like sex and have a healthy sex life. I get just enough and know how to use my sexuality. Some people might have a problem, but that is their problem not mine. They just need to get more.I am 26% Hippie.
I need to step away from the tie-dye. I smell too good to be a hippie and my dad is probably a cop. Being a hippie is not a fashion craze, man. It was a way of life, in the 60’s, man.20050727
My blogfather's more of a hippie than me
So Harvey did this a while back, and true to form, I've been setting the bad example by not checking out blogs like I'm supposed to, I've been busy and lazy all at the same time. I've begun playing raquetball, which is more fun than I thought it'd be.
I am 9% Hippie.
What? Am I a Republican? Why did I even bother taken this test?! I guess I’ll back to my George W. Bush fan club and tell them I just wasted 10 minutes of my life. At least I don’t stink, man.Lt. gov. crashed Marine's funeral, kin say
Taken from: post-gazette
Saturday, July 23, 2005
By Tom Barnes, Post-Gazette Harrisburg Bureau
The family of a Marine who was killed in Iraq is furious with Lt. Gov. Catherine Baker Knoll for showing up uninvited at his funeral this week, handing out her business card and then saying "our government" is against the war.
Excuse me? Where does she get off saying that load of crap? I'm pretty sure it was our government that sent our troops to war in the first place.
Catherine Baker Knoll
Rhonda Goodrich of Indiana, Pa., said yesterday that a funeral was held Tuesday at a church in Carnegie for her brother-in-law, Staff Sgt. Joseph Goodrich, 32.
She said he "died bravely and courageously in Iraq on July 10, serving his country."
In a phone interview, Goodrich said the funeral service was packed with people "who wanted to tell his family how Joe had impacted their lives."
Then, suddenly, "one uninvited guest made an appearance, Catherine Baker Knoll."
She sat down next to a Goodrich family member and, during the distribution of communion, said, "Who are you?" Then she handed the family member one of her business cards, which Goodrich said she still has.
Okay, not only does she show up uninvited, but then she starts campaigning? I've had some idiots come through my checkout line, but this lady makes them seem intelligent by comparison.
"Knoll felt this was an appropriate time to campaign and impose her will on us," Goodrich said. "I am amazed and disgusted Knoll finds a Marine funeral a prime place to campaign."
Goodrich said she is positive that Knoll was not invited to the funeral, which was jammed with Marines in dress uniform and police officers, because the fallen Marine had been a policeman in McKeesport and Indiana County.
"Our family deserves an apology," Rhonda Goodrich said. "Here you have a soldier who was killed -- dying for his country -- in a church full of grieving family members and she shows up uninvited. It made a mockery of Joey's death."
What really upset the family, Goodrich said, is that Knoll said, 'I want you to know our government is against this war,' " Goodrich said.
She said she is going to seek an answer from Gov. Ed Rendell's administration if it opposes the fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Knoll was traveling yesterday, away from the Capitol, and couldn't be reached. But an aide said she "extends condolences to all families who have lost loved ones" serving in the military.
"Extends condolences," indeed. By allowing this woman to do what she's doing, that statement means about as much as washing a friends car for them during a monsoon.
Without having talked to her, the aide, who asked not to be named, said, "The family members of fallen soldiers are in our hearts and prayers. Our prayers go out to their loved ones in their hour of grief."
Asked to comment on Goodrich's complaints about Knoll's conduct at the funeral, the aide said that "would be inappropriate."
That would be "inappropriate?" What about going to a funeral full of men and women, and families of those men and women, who have served our country, fought for our freedom, and then telling them that their government didn't support the war? That's a very demoralizing statement, it implies that the government doesn't support our troops.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Harrisburg Bureau Chief Tom Barnes can be reached at tbarnes@post-gazette.com or 717-787-4254.)
Saturday, July 23, 2005
By Tom Barnes, Post-Gazette Harrisburg Bureau
The family of a Marine who was killed in Iraq is furious with Lt. Gov. Catherine Baker Knoll for showing up uninvited at his funeral this week, handing out her business card and then saying "our government" is against the war.
Excuse me? Where does she get off saying that load of crap? I'm pretty sure it was our government that sent our troops to war in the first place.
Catherine Baker Knoll
Rhonda Goodrich of Indiana, Pa., said yesterday that a funeral was held Tuesday at a church in Carnegie for her brother-in-law, Staff Sgt. Joseph Goodrich, 32.
She said he "died bravely and courageously in Iraq on July 10, serving his country."
In a phone interview, Goodrich said the funeral service was packed with people "who wanted to tell his family how Joe had impacted their lives."
Then, suddenly, "one uninvited guest made an appearance, Catherine Baker Knoll."
She sat down next to a Goodrich family member and, during the distribution of communion, said, "Who are you?" Then she handed the family member one of her business cards, which Goodrich said she still has.
Okay, not only does she show up uninvited, but then she starts campaigning? I've had some idiots come through my checkout line, but this lady makes them seem intelligent by comparison.
"Knoll felt this was an appropriate time to campaign and impose her will on us," Goodrich said. "I am amazed and disgusted Knoll finds a Marine funeral a prime place to campaign."
Goodrich said she is positive that Knoll was not invited to the funeral, which was jammed with Marines in dress uniform and police officers, because the fallen Marine had been a policeman in McKeesport and Indiana County.
"Our family deserves an apology," Rhonda Goodrich said. "Here you have a soldier who was killed -- dying for his country -- in a church full of grieving family members and she shows up uninvited. It made a mockery of Joey's death."
What really upset the family, Goodrich said, is that Knoll said, 'I want you to know our government is against this war,' " Goodrich said.
She said she is going to seek an answer from Gov. Ed Rendell's administration if it opposes the fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Knoll was traveling yesterday, away from the Capitol, and couldn't be reached. But an aide said she "extends condolences to all families who have lost loved ones" serving in the military.
"Extends condolences," indeed. By allowing this woman to do what she's doing, that statement means about as much as washing a friends car for them during a monsoon.
Without having talked to her, the aide, who asked not to be named, said, "The family members of fallen soldiers are in our hearts and prayers. Our prayers go out to their loved ones in their hour of grief."
Asked to comment on Goodrich's complaints about Knoll's conduct at the funeral, the aide said that "would be inappropriate."
That would be "inappropriate?" What about going to a funeral full of men and women, and families of those men and women, who have served our country, fought for our freedom, and then telling them that their government didn't support the war? That's a very demoralizing statement, it implies that the government doesn't support our troops.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Harrisburg Bureau Chief Tom Barnes can be reached at tbarnes@post-gazette.com or 717-787-4254.)
20050723
I Can't Help Being Irresistable . . .
Despite everything I try, people can't help but fall in love with me. I'm not sure if its my stunning good looks, my sexy voice, or my personality (Just ask R.R.) but its getting really tiring . . .
20050722
Making the work day go by just a little faster
okay, so your at work, browsing through blogs that haven't updated in the five minutes since your last viewing. There is a solution for this.
Try out the Evil Cube, your work day will pass just a little faster with it.
Try out the Evil Cube, your work day will pass just a little faster with it.
The Buffalo Theory
I've seen this a few times thoughout my net exploration, and decided that it was time to share it with others.
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is being hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of alcohol eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few shots and a couple of beers.
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is being hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of alcohol eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few shots and a couple of beers.
Dating 101- pt. 2
A lot of guys seem to think that attraction is when one person wants what another person has. Some think of attraction as the result of being good-looking or otherwise "attractive". In fact a lotof people confuse attraction with "attractive". When I think of the concept of attraction, I think
of it primarily as an emotion. It seems to me that it's more a combination of powerful emotions that come together to form a very, very special new SUPER-emotion.
It's homework time.
1) Write down all of the things that should work
when it comes to making women feel attracted to
you. This might include buying gifts and food,
giving constant compliments, and acting "nice".
2) Write down your own personal experience of what
actually happens when you do these "socially
correct things that mom taught you" with women.
3) Pretend for a moment that everything you've
been taught about women is wrong. Further, pretend
that women are actually wired in reverse. If this
were true, what kinds of things would result in a
woman feeling attraction for a man?
of it primarily as an emotion. It seems to me that it's more a combination of powerful emotions that come together to form a very, very special new SUPER-emotion.
It's homework time.
1) Write down all of the things that should work
when it comes to making women feel attracted to
you. This might include buying gifts and food,
giving constant compliments, and acting "nice".
2) Write down your own personal experience of what
actually happens when you do these "socially
correct things that mom taught you" with women.
3) Pretend for a moment that everything you've
been taught about women is wrong. Further, pretend
that women are actually wired in reverse. If this
were true, what kinds of things would result in a
woman feeling attraction for a man?
20050720
Marine Corps Shortens Slogan To 'The Few'
Just for the record, it's all his fault:
Lord Salens
WASHINGTON, DC—In light of recruiting shortfalls, a near standstill in re-enlistment, and rock-bottom troop morale, U.S. Marine Corps Commandant Gen. Michael Hagee announced Monday that the Marines will alter their unofficial slogan, abbreviating it to the more accurate "The Few." Hagee said, "We are still the Marines, the premier combat arm of the U.S. military." The Marines will also change their motto to Semper Fidelis, Sic Non Sapienti, or "Always Faithful, But This Is Just Ridiculous."From the Onion,
Lord Salens
The Many Faces of Me
starts with the oldest, and procedes to my current style, that with a fu manchu.
20050719
Michigan Laws
Unless it states that it was repealed, these laws are still in effect in Michigan.
A woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.
There is a 3 cent bounty for each starling and 10 cent bounty for each crow killed in any village, township, or city in the state.
It is legal for a robber to file a law suit, if he or she got hurt in your house.
You may not swear in front of women and children. (Repealed)
Any person over the age of 12 may have a license for a handgun as long as he/she has not been convicted of a felony.
It is illegal to kill a dog using a decompression chamber.
Adultery is illegal, but can only be punished upon a complaint by the affected husband or wife. Furthermore, no prosecution may take place if the offense was committed over a year from when a complaint was made.
No man may seduce and corrupt an unmarried girl, or else he risks five years in prison.
Cars may not be sold on Sunday.
Detroit Laws
Couples are banned from making love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple's own property.
Willfully destroying your old radio is prohibited.
It is illegal for a man to scowl at his wife on Sunday.
It is illegal to let your pig run free in Detroit unless it has a ring in its nose. According to history and animal husbandry, it prevents them from "rooting" in the ground for their food.
Security guards at Joe Louis Arena will confiscate any item they feel might be thrown onto the ice. Furthermore, any person seen throwing an octopus onto the ice at a Red Wings game will be taken to jail.
Putt-putt golf courses must close by 1:00 AM.
Get the full text of this law.
Apparently the good folks in Detroit did not quite know what ‘new’ meant. The city took it upon themselves to state that ‘new’ bedding must be of all new material.
Grand Haven Laws
No person shall throw an abandoned hoop skirt into any street or on any sidewalk, under penalty of a five- dollar fine for each offense.
Harper Woods Laws
It is illegal to paint sparrows to sell them as parakeets.
Kalamazoo Laws
It is against the law to serenade your girlfriend.
Rochester Laws
All bathing suits must have been inspected by the head of police.
Soo Laws
Smoking while in bed is illegal.
Wayland Laws
Anyone can keep their cow on Main Street downtown at a cost of 3 cents per day.
A woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.
There is a 3 cent bounty for each starling and 10 cent bounty for each crow killed in any village, township, or city in the state.
It is legal for a robber to file a law suit, if he or she got hurt in your house.
You may not swear in front of women and children. (Repealed)
Any person over the age of 12 may have a license for a handgun as long as he/she has not been convicted of a felony.
It is illegal to kill a dog using a decompression chamber.
Adultery is illegal, but can only be punished upon a complaint by the affected husband or wife. Furthermore, no prosecution may take place if the offense was committed over a year from when a complaint was made.
No man may seduce and corrupt an unmarried girl, or else he risks five years in prison.
Cars may not be sold on Sunday.
Detroit Laws
Couples are banned from making love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple's own property.
Willfully destroying your old radio is prohibited.
It is illegal for a man to scowl at his wife on Sunday.
It is illegal to let your pig run free in Detroit unless it has a ring in its nose. According to history and animal husbandry, it prevents them from "rooting" in the ground for their food.
Security guards at Joe Louis Arena will confiscate any item they feel might be thrown onto the ice. Furthermore, any person seen throwing an octopus onto the ice at a Red Wings game will be taken to jail.
Putt-putt golf courses must close by 1:00 AM.
Get the full text of this law.
Apparently the good folks in Detroit did not quite know what ‘new’ meant. The city took it upon themselves to state that ‘new’ bedding must be of all new material.
Grand Haven Laws
No person shall throw an abandoned hoop skirt into any street or on any sidewalk, under penalty of a five- dollar fine for each offense.
Harper Woods Laws
It is illegal to paint sparrows to sell them as parakeets.
Kalamazoo Laws
It is against the law to serenade your girlfriend.
Rochester Laws
All bathing suits must have been inspected by the head of police.
Soo Laws
Smoking while in bed is illegal.
Wayland Laws
Anyone can keep their cow on Main Street downtown at a cost of 3 cents per day.
Stupid Criminal of the day
John Schieman, 37, thought the best time to steal a car would be when its owner was getting out. As his would-be-victim, Robin Van Bortle, 32, was attaching The Club, to her steering wheel, Schieman made his move. Startled, the astute woman reacting by beating Schieman over the head with the antitheft device. The budding criminal was charged with robbery, assault, and grand larceny.
Harry Potter 6
I finished reading Harry Potter 6. Its a good book, I really enjoyed it. My favorite charactor dies in this one, and Harry finally finds love. Ron finally snogs a girl, and Hermionee is as brainy as ever, though is shown up by another classmate in one of her classes. We find out how it is that Voldemort has been able to survive, and are once again reminded what the most powerful magic is. We learn what it feels like to aparate, and find out more about Snape. Once again, they need a new Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher. And it was unexpected as to who the Half-Blood Prince is.
If you haven't started this series yet, you really should do so. It is one of the finer book series that I've read.
If you haven't started this series yet, you really should do so. It is one of the finer book series that I've read.
20050715
Interesting Note
Today was the release date for Harry Potter 6. I'm anxiously awaiting my copy to come in the mail, it should arrive today or tomorrow. I do find it interesting to note that this book was in the best seller's list months before it actually came out. Part of me will laugh if this latest book turns out to be completely horrible. The other parts will cry tears of great sadness if that's the case.
In other news
I don't know if I have a high tolerance now, but last night after having a two shots of whiskey, a shot of rum, and a jack and coke, I barely had a buzz for ten minutes. There's no way I had enough to drink so that I was pushed back into sober again, so I'm not sure what the deal was. Anyone have a clue as to what my problem is? Maybe I shouldn't drink for a while.
In other news
I don't know if I have a high tolerance now, but last night after having a two shots of whiskey, a shot of rum, and a jack and coke, I barely had a buzz for ten minutes. There's no way I had enough to drink so that I was pushed back into sober again, so I'm not sure what the deal was. Anyone have a clue as to what my problem is? Maybe I shouldn't drink for a while.
20050713
Today's Stupid Criminal
While most young people his age are pursuing higher education or making other plans to advance their careers, a 22 year-old Santa Cruz California genius was planning to vandalize a local store. According to his carefully crafted plan, the man would splash some green paint on the front doors of The Gap on Pacific Avenue and then make a clean getaway. It was a pretty good plan, as ignorant schemes go, but for one problem. The man was caught after trailing green paint from Pacific Avenue to his home on Mission Street.
Now our young rocket scientist must pay the city's clean-up costs, estimated to be $1,000, pay a $500 fine, serve 200 hours of community service and stay away from downtown.
Now our young rocket scientist must pay the city's clean-up costs, estimated to be $1,000, pay a $500 fine, serve 200 hours of community service and stay away from downtown.
Application to date your daughter
Sissy has posted an application so that her father might judge who is fit to date her.
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,
and current medical report from your doctor.
Note: I was adopted, so have no idea what my lineage is, only some clues as to what it isn't. From appearances, there is no african-american, middle-eastern, or asian heritage in my lineage.
NAME: Andrew (Aris Ravencroft) DATE OF BIRTH: 830423
HEIGHT: 5‘8” WEIGHT: 200 IQ: 125 GPA: 3.0
SOCIAL SECURITY #: I am not posting that online
DRIVERS LICENSE: see social security
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES: N/A
HOME ADDRESS: See D.L. CITY/STATE: Grand Rapids ZIP: 49525
Do you have parents? Yes
Is one male and the other female? Yes
If No, explain:
______________________________________________________________
Number of years they have been married: 15-16
If less than your age, explain
Mother adopted me while she was single, and married my father when I turned 7, he in turn adopted me when I turned 12.
ACCESSORIES SECTION:
A. Do you own or have access to a van? No
B. A truck with oversized tires? No
C. A waterbed? No
D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? No
E. A tattoo? No
F. Do you have an earring: Used to, still have the hole.
(IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)
ESSAY SECTION:
In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?
I am never late, I hate being late, and I hate when other people are late, in a way, it‘s breaking your word to the person you told you‘d be there at X time.
In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?
It means I‘m not going to touch your daughter in any way that would be dishonorable to her.
In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?
No sex until marriage, which is fine with me.
REFERENCES SECTION:
Church you attend: Currently searching for a new church
How often you attend: more than once a week
When would be the best time to interview your:
father? Evening before ten
mother? Evening before ten
pastor? During the day
SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:
Any vital area
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
Neck
C: A woman's place is in the:
If married, then the home, raising kids, of which I would help as is part of my job as a father
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
Ask me anything, I have nothing to hide.
E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? Law Enforcement
F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
Eyes and/or voice, depending on if I see her first, or hear her first.
F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? No clue.
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
Andrew (Aris Ravencroft)
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)
Andrew‘s Southern Belle Momma -- Andrew’s Former Navy Father
Mother's Signature Father's Signature
Paster Bill -- George Walker Bush
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman
Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and
non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.
You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do
not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would
cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be
notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases.
(you might watch your back)
To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating. (coming soon)
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,
and current medical report from your doctor.
Note: I was adopted, so have no idea what my lineage is, only some clues as to what it isn't. From appearances, there is no african-american, middle-eastern, or asian heritage in my lineage.
NAME: Andrew (Aris Ravencroft) DATE OF BIRTH: 830423
HEIGHT: 5‘8” WEIGHT: 200 IQ: 125 GPA: 3.0
SOCIAL SECURITY #: I am not posting that online
DRIVERS LICENSE: see social security
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES: N/A
HOME ADDRESS: See D.L. CITY/STATE: Grand Rapids ZIP: 49525
Do you have parents? Yes
Is one male and the other female? Yes
If No, explain:
______________________________________________________________
Number of years they have been married: 15-16
If less than your age, explain
Mother adopted me while she was single, and married my father when I turned 7, he in turn adopted me when I turned 12.
ACCESSORIES SECTION:
A. Do you own or have access to a van? No
B. A truck with oversized tires? No
C. A waterbed? No
D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? No
E. A tattoo? No
F. Do you have an earring: Used to, still have the hole.
(IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)
ESSAY SECTION:
In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?
I am never late, I hate being late, and I hate when other people are late, in a way, it‘s breaking your word to the person you told you‘d be there at X time.
In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?
It means I‘m not going to touch your daughter in any way that would be dishonorable to her.
In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?
No sex until marriage, which is fine with me.
REFERENCES SECTION:
Church you attend: Currently searching for a new church
How often you attend: more than once a week
When would be the best time to interview your:
father? Evening before ten
mother? Evening before ten
pastor? During the day
SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:
Any vital area
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
Neck
C: A woman's place is in the:
If married, then the home, raising kids, of which I would help as is part of my job as a father
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
Ask me anything, I have nothing to hide.
E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? Law Enforcement
F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
Eyes and/or voice, depending on if I see her first, or hear her first.
F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? No clue.
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
Andrew (Aris Ravencroft)
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)
Andrew‘s Southern Belle Momma -- Andrew’s Former Navy Father
Mother's Signature Father's Signature
Paster Bill -- George Walker Bush
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman
Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and
non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.
You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do
not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would
cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be
notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases.
(you might watch your back)
To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating. (coming soon)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)